So. Time for the first real entry in my new blog. If you have been reading my other diary and journal then you shouldn’t expect anything new. I’m pretty much going to continue the same style and frequency.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

If it is broke, close your eyes and pray.

I’m happy with how this looks. I was going to leave it just black/white. But changed my mind. I like my header picture. It’s also very symbolic, isn’t it? The rising sun. That’s my life.

The main plume.dk site is still under construction. I will be adding things, but probably nothing dramatically new. If you know me then you probably know most of the stuff anyway.

It’s still exciting to have my own domain though! Webmaster Plume. I wish I had vacation so I could spend a week on just doing everything I want to do here. But there’s work. And there’s playgrund. And I get tired. So it’ll probably progress slowly. Doesn’t matter though. I have all the time in the world.

Onwards.

Therapy was hard today. But good. We have gone from talking about my social phobia to talking about my past. And how it influenced/influences my phobia. Talking about the past isn’t easy. Lot of things buried there.

“Your parents don’t define you. You define you”.

That’s good therapy.

I learned some new stuff about myself. I have always known that I felt a lack of attention and love from my parents. My brother got a lot of the attention because he had easily visible problems. I kept my problems to myself. We uncovered in therapy today that I probably felt like I had to be the good kid. The kid without problems. I felt that because my parents were so busy with my brother’s problems that I couldn’t bother them with mine. Or something like that. That was probably one of the factors in my life that made me withdraw myself. In many ways.

But enough about the past. The future is more important. My therapist said nice things. About my motivation and my courage to change things. About what I had accomplished yet.

We only have 3-4 sessions left though. She’s only an intern and her internship is coming to an end. So what will happen to me? She’s going to bring my case up with the others at the clinic. Hopefully I can start group therapy. That’s the next step. And she will recommend that. Because I’m making progress with the therapy and I’m getting results.

If I can’t get into group therapy then maybe I will be assigned to a new intern. Or maybe I’ll just be let loose on my own. I guess I have learnt what I need to know to get better. How to fight the phobia. But I would still prefer to have some guidance. And group therapy would probably be really good for me. Even though it’s scary too.

I’ll see what happens.

Meanwhile I am still going to the playground of course. Having fun with the goats.

Haha. Mads has started putting his legs on me too. At one point he got up with his two front legs on my leg as I was sitting. Man, he’s heavy! It was a lot of fun though so I ignored the pain.

I can forgive Mads most anything. I can forgive that he rammed his horns into my camera. I can forgive that he rammed his horns into my head. Even though it hurt. He didn’t mean to do it though. All by accident.

I did sort of do some head-to-head with him. Pushing our heads together like we were two male goats battling for superiority. It’s fun.

I’m going to put up a couple of pictures now. Please forgive the lack of quality. And please forgive my sloppy appearance.

I think they’re a little sweet though. “Friends forever”, I would title them.

You can click on them to see the bigger version by the way. If you desire. I think this is how I’m going to do my pictures, mostly. 400×300 in the blog with links to 640×480. Seems appropriate.

And yes, even though I have moved to my own domain I will still be posting too many pictures from the playground. You’re just going to have to deal with it.

I love that place. I talked to the girl who usually asks me to take pictures of her. She asked me if I had a kid. That’s nice. Made me feel adult. She also asked if I’d come back tomorrow. I told her yes. She’s nice. The kids are fun to hang out with. And when they see that the animals like me then they usually like me too.

Had fun with Magnethe today. She’s getting into the “eat everything” phase. Nibbling away at anything in her past. And she still likes to climb up on me if I sit down on a bench. I wish she would never grow too big for that.

Had a very sweet moment too. I was getting ready to leave. But wanted to say goodbye to Magnethe. She had gone into the hamster house, where all the hamsters and bunnies sit in their cages. There’s an old couch in the back. I think Magnethe likes it. I’ve seen her go in there before. And then she starts rolling around on the couch.

It’s a comfy old rag.

After rolling and rubbing herself against the sides she lied down. I sat next to her. She was sitting all quiet. It looked like she was tired. Like she was going to fall asleep. So I just sat next to her for a while and stroked her. Nuzzled her.

And she just kept quiet. Very sweet. I wanted to go to sleep myself. Just Magnethe and I, taking a nap in the back.

I didn’t of course. I stayed there for something like 20 minutes, next to her. Then I figured I should go home. As I left the place I heard Magnethe baaahing. She hadn’t said a word the whole time we were in there. Maybe she didn’t want me to leave? Maybe she was complaining that I was leaving. I’d like to pretend so anyway. Before I could go back in, she came out. I guess she didn’t feel like sleeping in there alone.

I love my goats. I have to keep reminding myself to be thankful. How different my life is now. Happiness used to be something fleeting, something I couldn’t grasp. If I experienced it then it was usually gone in the blink of an eye. Now happiness is… normal.

There is hope for everyone.

I had more to talk about, but this has gone on long enough. Better finish off. I gotta go to diaryland and give my farewell speech. Can’t put that off anymore.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 at 20:48 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.