From Heaven
It’s over. The vet came today and put Mads to sleep. He’s gone.
I feel like I have been run over by a truck.
I got a good hour and half in the sunshine with him today. I’m glad the sun was shining. We were sitting in the juicy grass. Per had told me that the vet would be coming today, so I knew it was getting close to the end. It was so heart-breaking. What do you do with the time when you know you are out of time?
I must thank the new intern girl that I mentioned yesterday. I was sitting with Mads, taking pictures and videos. And I wanted someone to take a picture of Mads and me. But I was having a hard time asking anyone because of the stupid phobia and all. But she came over by herself and asked “shouldn’t I take a picture of you and Mads together?”. She took a few. I was very happy with that. And when it was all over.. when mads was gone. I was sitting outside, crying to myself. She came over again and put her arm around me and asked if I was going to be okay. Comforted me. It was very sweet of her. She barely knows me. She seems like a wonderful person.
Kurt was there too. To help with things. I had to put the leash on Mads’s collar, because he was running away from everyone else. Then they dragged him to the goat house. It’s the worst thing I have ever seen. They took him inside. Per asked if I wanted to come in. But I said no. I did not want to watch that. They closed the sliding door. And a while later they came out. And it was over.
I guess the vet had lots of other things on the schedule for the day, and he couldn’t go around with the body in his car.. so they left Mads inside until he could come back and pick him up. I went inside to say my last goodbyes. They put him under a tarp. That was good. I didn’t want my last image of him to be.. dead.
I cried for a good while in there.
Afterwards I went and sat outside, that was when the intern comforted me. Then I went back to the lawn and sat down with the other goats. Kept crying. And thinking about Mads. A boy came by, someone I’ve talked to quite a bit. It was hard to tell him about Mads. He said “if he’s dead then he doesn’t remember you anymore”. He paused for a think. “But when he’s up in heaven he can look down on you”.
I hope he does. I’m sorry Mads. I will never forget you.
May 27th, 2008 at 14:05
Lasse, my husband and I will be thinking of you and Mads today. We won’t ever forget Mads. Or you.
May 27th, 2008 at 14:49
*big big hugs to you* I’m so sorry for your loss! Take comfort in knowing that he had a exceptionally full and fantastic goat-life, that he had the best of friends possible, and that he had people around that loved him enough to make sure he didn’t have to suffer. I’m sure he’s having a blast on the other side of the Rainbow bridge, and that the love you two shared will never be forgotten by either of you. Again, big hugs and condolances.
May 27th, 2008 at 15:24
He was the luckiest goat. He will surely be in goat heaven, happily resting his head in someone’s lap and mugging them for their pockets’ contents.
May 27th, 2008 at 21:11
Plume, so sorry for your loss! Mads was the most beautiful and intelligent goat I had ever seen, even if it was only in pictures and videos and through your stories of him. You were his best friend, of that I’m certain and he will live on in your heart & in the hearts and thoughts of the many children he brought so much joy to. You documented just how wonderful and special he was. I watched your tribute to Mads video the other day and thought of how great it is that you two got to meet on this here planet. I feel your pain, because I too had lost a dear friend, my darling cat and I remember sitting in a field of green grass with her in my lap after the vet had told me that there was nothing he could do. She was looking at birds, probably feeling happy by being outside, cause she loved the outdoors and I held her and cried. I knew she wanted to be with me then and needed me, because she would try to slip out and be free when outside, but at that moment she sat calmly and peacefully. And the only thought comforted me… the blissful thought that she probably didn’t even know that something was wrong and we’d have to say good-bye soon. She had an exceptional character and showed great love, loyalty and acceptance of those that she had the best connection with. I am pretty sure, that Mads and Bona will definitely meet up there. They were the biggest gifts and real treasures in our lives. I’m sending you big hugs and telling you what I know and feel in my heart… they had the best lives, are alright and happy right now and continuing their journey. You will be in my thoughts too.
May 27th, 2008 at 21:35
Mads was so lucky to have you, Lasse. I’m absolutely devastated and in tears. I am in shock and so terribly sad.
And if I read the other entries, I’ll cry even harder.
I’m really going to miss that crazy goat. He was one of a kind. I won’t ever look at his photo without a big smile on my face.
We’re all here for you Lasse. Don’t forget that!
May 28th, 2008 at 22:09
Just stopping by to hear how you are holding up-how are you doing? Hang in there!
May 29th, 2008 at 0:20
Thank you all. From the bottom of my heart. Milla, I’m sure Mads and Bona are sitting in the tall grass, sharing stories about the two of us right now. We are all the richer for having known them.