Without You There Is No Me
I got up early this morning. And watched the Lost season finale. Normally I would have gone all week and gotten excited and barely been able to wait for it. But I have been thinking of Mads instead, obviously. It wasn’t till last night that it occured to me that it was finale time.
Afterwards I took a long shower and then I went to the playground. It was hard. knowing that Mads would not be waiting for me there. It sort of.. makes it real? There is no more Mads at the playground. And there is no escaping it.
The other goats are wonderful, of course. But I just miss him. I miss him so much. I miss sitting down next to him, scratching him behind his ears. I miss having him chew on my sleeve. Dig into my pockets. Yawn in the sunshine. I miss everything about him. It made me cry. Of course.
But it was good to get out, after all. Fresh air and goats. Nice kids too. Saad was there. He sat in my lap and we watched the goat kids jump around on the table. He pulled my beard and asked why it grew. He asked if I had cried about Mads, and I said yes. Another nice boy was there too, the boy who said that Mads would be looking down on me from heaven. I’m not sure what his name is, but he’s very nice and friendly. A little older than Saad. He hugged me and proclaimed that we were friends. Then he took my cap and put it on his head. And then gave it back. They’re great kids. I will forever be in Mads’ debt for showing me this place.
Tonight was the Spleen United concert in Friheden. I was planning to go. Did really want to see them. But did not feel up to it. The packed bus, the crowd. I don’t want to deal with that right now. I’m sure I’ll get other chances to see them, they’re local boys. And maybe I’ll be ready to go to some of the future Friday concerts in Friheden. Take my mind off things.
Tomorrow I’ll be feeding at the playground. It will be weird without Mads. Everything is weird without Mads. I still have a hard time believing he’s gone. It went so fast in the end. I spent lots and lots of hours with him but it still went by so fast.
And I miss him.
May 31st, 2008 at 2:07
Give all the other animals at the playground a hug and a pat for me when you feed tomorrow.
Whether you realize it or not, you’re being a great role model for those two little boys at the playground. You spend time listening to them, show them it’s okay to like animals, and to cry when our pet friends leave us.
Hope you’re feeling a little better during feeding time tomorrow. You’re doing fine, my dear danish goat boy.
May 31st, 2008 at 21:11
I’m really sorry babes.
I’ve not been reading your journal because of home stuff, so I didn’t know. But *cuddles*
June 1st, 2008 at 0:51
Big hugs!
June 1st, 2008 at 23:14
Debster – Consider them hugged, and then some. Feeling a little better, but there’s still a long way to go.
Clare – It’s okay, Rockstar. I’ll try to be back on msn before too long.
Milla – Hugzez!