Whale Spotting

August 5th, 2018

I don’t understand why I don’t go viral, what more do I have to do?!
I tried leaking my nudes but TMZ just said ‘no thanks’. And so did Kristen Bell, Jessica Alba, my mailman, the Danish Whale Observatory hotline and pretty much everyone I passed up outside walmart.
#ForeverALoon
link: Giuliani tweet
30/7 2018

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Here’s Milo on top. I wonder if there’s ever been a time when Milo was sitting above while Sky was in her little nook below. I don’t think I’ve seen that. But that’d be cute. Almost like a bunk bed.

30/7 2018

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Today will be a good day. Here’s Popcorn from 2015.

30/7 2018

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Good goat times today. After a rough morning. One of those mornings when the demon in the back of the cupboard in the back of my head won the argument. I made preparations to go back to beed and sleep all the and all the world away. But then at the last minute I tricked the demon. I told it “It’s so hot and I’m sweaty, I’ll take a quick shower and then we’ll go to bed and you can have your wicked way with me”. The cold shower washed some of the uncomfort away and I was able to drag myself out the door instead of back to bed.
It wasn’t too comfortahle outside either, though. We’ve finally had some rain, which is good. But the rain was gone and left only clouds and humidity when I got out. I much prefer a sunny day with wind. A still, humid, cloud, hot day is not very pleasant. This was the worst humidity I have felt all year. But alright. Got myself to the goats. The world had one last trick to play on me today, though. Or the goats had. I figured since I was a little later than usual they would definitely be outside. So i went the long way around to sneak up on them from behind to get some funny reactions from them when they’d spot me. I approached the goat pen and.. nothing. No goats. Alright, tha’ts odd. Guess they hadn’t been let out yet. So I went inside to get them. No goats inside. I went back out to the goat pen and whistled, just in case they were all hiding under the house or something. No reaction. Then I heard the chickens clucking away. They were outside. So where were the goats? I walked around looking for them. And then there they were, sitting all four togather in the horse pasture. If I’d gone the route I normally go then I would have walked right by the fence fhey were sitting at. Sheesh. Nothing but trouble, those goats. Potted plants don’t move around like that, just saying.
Finally it was time for the good goat times. I let them out of the horse pasture. There’s a bit of grass in there, but still not much. I guess if we’d had a summer like last year there would have been lots of grass by now. But without rain it hasn’t been growing much while the horses have been gone.
So out to find better greens along the ways. And I mostly just watched them. Still feeling kinda crummy and tired and humid. But better with goats.
After a while in the greens we went back in the horse pasture. I wasn’t sure why they were in there when I arrived, if there was a reason for it or it was just random. And I didn’t feel up to dealing with humans to find out. So I figured I’d better take them back in there, in case they weren’t supposed to be in their own pen for some reason. Also, the horse pasture is a great place to run with the kids. I had some jolly good fun with the little ones, and the big kid, running back and forth. Tired myself out. Then we all sat around and relaxed in the humid heat. It reminded me of last year. When there was a passage between the goat pen and horse pasture and the goats preferred to be in the horse place. I’d run with Mia and then we’d sit in the dirt. I wish we could get that passage opened again so the goats could just be wherever they wanted to be. But I guess that’s too much trouble for the humans. Humans, who needs ’em.
there were some nice humans today, visitors. An elderly (I think) lady passed by while we were in the horse pasture. She was walking her dog, whomst barked a bit at the goats. So she didn’t come closer. But were kinda yelling back and forth to each other and she asked some questions about the goats and the horses. And then told me to have a nice day. You know what I appreciate? People telling me to continue having a nice day and sounding like they mean it. Saying it with a smile because they can’t but help smie at the weird guy sitting around with the cute goats. I get that fairly often and while it may not be a big gesture, it’s just nice to feel that common courtesy, that opposite of *flails arms and points at twitter and all the things*. Being nice, even with a couple of words, that still holds value. Maybe more so than ever. As the world gets more and more grim, those simple words feel more and more needed. So hey, that’s my suggestion to you. Say “have a nci day” and smile at someone who isn’t expecting it.
this has been my audition for the Mr Rogers sequel. Have a nice day.
30/7 2018

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This is horribly out of focus. I apologise for the horrid quality, but this is how I found them this morning. All that big horse pasture, and they sit together like that. All four of them. I love that.

30/7 2018

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I’m so glad my day ended up with these instead of still being in bed by now.

30/7 2018

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Sometimes, often, the people I see worried about “protecting Danish culture” (usually against muslims and other immigrants) are the worst, horrible people saying horrible, nasty, offensive things. And it makes me think, if they are the representation of Danish culture then what worth is there in Danish culture that we need to preserve?
r/Denmark is like twitter and youtube comment section sometimes.
*deletes America First rant* I think that’s enough for now. Just had to get that off my chest. If you’re a racist or bigot then maybe the things you care about aren’t the ones we need to put first.
30/7 2018

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Oh. On a nicer note. I just remembered something from last week. A mother with a couple of girls were visiting and adoring the goats. And they asked what the goats were called. And when I told them Sky’s name they lit up. The mother said something like “Did you hear, there’s one called Sky!”. I never found out why, but it seemed like they knew a Sky. Wonder if that Sky is a goat too.. later on the mother came back and said “which one of them was called Sky again?”. Seemed like they were really happy to see a Sky.
And today there was a mother with a little girl and the girl was called Esther which made me happy because it made me think of Esther the Wonder Pig.
30/7 2018

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Hey, wait. Isn’t that our house?

30/7 2018

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Alright, that’s as much as I can stand for today. Considering I was going to sleep the whole thing away, I’d say what I got out of it wasn’t so bad after all. Off to the dreamscape. It’s going to be a long one, as the nun said to the sailor, before the hymn.

30/7 2018

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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi day everyone.

31/7 2018

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Sorry, he’s on a break. Try the next window.

31/7 2018

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I have given up getting a beard as long as grandma’s, but I’m still working on getting a belly as big as hers. #Goals #Goats

31/7 2018

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Finished Room To Dream by David Lynch last week. Highly recommended if you like the guy. Don’t expect him to give away too many secrets though. I loved the parts that he narrated himself, though it was frustrating when he’d go “This.. there are so many stories I could tell about this” and thne he’d move on without telling them! Sheesh. At the end he said “This only scratches the surface, I could talk for a hundred hours about every single day”. I believe him. Fascinating person. He made me laugh out loud as I was walking along, listening to the audibook. At the end he was thanking all the people that influenced his life. And then his kids. And he talked about his 3 first kids and how they were all doing arts and movies of some kind. And then he got to his last kid. “She draws a lot, I love her drawings. She’s really good at drawing. She hasn’t made a movie yet, but she’s only 5½ so…”. No pressure, kid!
With my interest in dreams, and dreaming, his work speaks to me greatly. And I need to look into transcendental meditation. I don’t know if it’s something that would work for me, but the way he talks about it makes me want to know more.
[posting on facebook intensifies]
31/7 2018

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Man, I sure hope none of the interviews in which I conducted myself in a racist, homophobic or misogynist manner turn out to be Sacha Baron Cohen segments!
1/8 2018

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You kick him in the shins, I’ll stomp on his soft bits. That’ll teach him to not forget the treats.

1/8 2018

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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, everyone.

1/8 2018

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Fell into a rabbit hole, fell a victim

1/8 2018

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We’re going to have to hire some more scruffy looking goat herders, this one’s gone all lazy.

1/8 2018

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This new app that inserts fake goats in all your selfies is working great. Worth every penny.

1/8 2018

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Today will be a good day. Here’s Vanilje from 2006.

2/8 2018

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Good goat times today. A cool and cloudy morning. Thankfully without the murdering humidity. More and more sun as the day went on. Another lovely summer’s day. I can’t remember a summer like this in many. many years. Hot diddily hot.
Got the goats out for the grazing and the browsing. A little running around and some headbutting (I did not partake). And then relaxing in the goat pen. I did do a little work too. Hauled a couple of cinder blocks and a pavement tile into the goat pen and built a little pymgy sized plafform, along with a couple of tree stumps. Some stuff to jump on. For the goats too. There’s a pile of blocks and tiles out near the goat pen and I have no idea if there are plans for them or if they’re just leftovers, but I’m kind of stealthily appropriating them little by little. Hopefully I can make some more platforms. Hopefully I don’t get in trouble. I’ll just blame the goats. Those goats, can’t believe they robbed a pizza place too.
2/8 2018

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Another stressful day of goat herding. I don’t know how I do it. I’ll just rest my head on grandma until you guys show up with my award.

2/8 2018

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This is the little platform I made, with a walkway of logs. nothing special, but always nice to have stuff to jump on.

2/8 2018

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If I get scared i’ll just call you

2/8 2018

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This is a sponsored post paid for by the FakeGoatSelfie App. Put a fake goat in all your selfies and become the hit of your social circle. Everyone loves goats, it’s a proven scientific fact, we just can’t be bothered citing any sources or studies because we’re not boring like old farty professors! We’re hip, and you can be too! Put a fake goat in your selfie and enjoy life TO THE MAXIMUM (maximum enjoyment is a subjective value and your personal idea of maximum enjoyment may differ from that of FakeGoatSelfie-App-Inc and or its subsidiaries. Offer void in Tennessee. See the full terms and conditions on our website, stargoats.com which has been down for like a year I really need to ask Katt about that anyway I’m going to bed leave a message after the beep)

2/8 2018

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Today will be a good day. Here’s Peanut from 2015.

3/8 2018

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Working on my next novel, One Less Iceberg. It’s an alternate history book in which the weather was so hot that the iceberg melted and the Titanic never sank. Inspired by real life current weather in my apartment.
3/8 2018

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Sky claims the new platform as her own. At least until a bigger goat comes along.

3/8 2018

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Grandma’s checking out the new platform and walkway. She generally prefers sticking close to the ground due to… gravity. Also notice Sky in her little hideyhole. And someone watching from the shadows.

3/8 2018

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Here’s some bonus content for the premium subscribers.
link: Me and goats video
3/8 2018

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Today will be a good day. Here’s Ping and his funny ear from 2016.

4/8 2018

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goatlog

4/8 2018

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I finally watched The Last Jedi on DVD. My first viewing of it in good quality. I had been sort of putting it off. I was worried I wouldn’t like it. I was worried all the negativity and divisiveness and toxic fan culture would influnce my enjoyment of it. But I was happy to find that I actually love it. Not everything is perfect. Canto Bight and Del Toro was a bit wasted. Some of the humour was a little too much. I wish Holdo had been more true to her book appearance. But most of the things that have been controversial (the fate of Luke, the fate of Snoke, the nature of the force, Kylo and Rey force-skyping etc) are things that I’m totally on board with. I love Kylo Ren and Rey, I think they’re amazing and I can’t wait to see where the story goes. Yeah, there’s a part of me that wishes they had made the sequels trilogy 20 years ago so we could have gotten to see the original cast before they got so old. It was heartbreaking to see Carrie and Mark’s scene. And sad that we won’t get them and Harrison together. But all in all I think it’s a beautiful movie and I am well satisfied. I kinda hope they aren’t going to conclude everything in episode 9. Haven’t they already said they’re going to make another trilogy afterwards? So just carry on with these guys. Plus Lando. Aw yeah.
4/8 2018

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Somewhere, goat

4/8 2018

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Speaking of The Last Jedi. Two things I want:
A) Pet fathiers. We could use a couple in the goat pen.
2) a campout in the Millennium Falcon on Ach-To in the rain with porgs. Ach-To was gorgeous and the shots of the falcon in the rain just made me want to sit in the cockpit and listen to the rain.
4/8 2018

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There, goat

4/8 2018

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Band name idea: Dough Remy Zero.
Patent pending.
4/8 2018

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Hello Goat

4/8 2018

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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday everyone.

5/8 2018

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impure thoughts, repent sinner repeat repent repeat
5/8 2018

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There’s murder in their eyes. I mean, cute yeah. But cute murder.

5/8 2018

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fake it til you break it
5/8 2018

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I dreamt that I was in the dark dreaming dreams within dreams. Worlds within worlds. Were you there? I looked for you but I couldn’t find you.
5/8 2018

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My headspace isn’t great, but the goatspace is awesome

5/8 2018

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That’s all for this week.


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The Heat Waves

July 29th, 2018

Today will be a good day. Here’s Bruce and Clark, and Mio, from 2014.

23/7 2018

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Good goat times today. A cool and cloudy morning as I walked out. But the clouds soon disappeared and the day turned into another hot and sunny one. The goats were already out when I got to the playground. I realised that as I was walking along the fence of the horse pasture. I suddenly heard grandma Mio’s croaks from across the pasture. She spotted me coming. So I walked around the fence and around the building and got to the goat pen on the other side. By then Mia was up on the bench, practically trying to jump into the horse pasture, bleating after me. It’s nice to feel welcome.
And then I let them out and enjoyed the sun and green leaves. “It almost hard to believe we’re in Denmark” Finbarr said. This summer sure has been different from the last one. Almost constant sunshine. I approve.
After the bellies were filled with green we retired back to the goat pen for sweet relaxation. A grandmother with 4 grandchildren came by. I was sitting in the goat house with the goats, so I knew I had to get up and go over to the visitors. When people come to the fence they’d like to see the goats up close. But the goats will usually stick with me. So over to the fence I went, and the goats followed and everyone had a good time. I chatted a little with the grandmother as the kids fed the goats with fresh leaves. Guess the bellies weren’t completely full after all. Then the humans left to go see the baby bunnies. They came back a little later, and this time I didn’t need to be a pied piper of goats. Mia saw them coming and RAN over to the fence. Once they have identified you as carriers of food you are suddenly very good company in their book. More greens for the goats, and more fun for the kids.
Later on Anne was nice enough to come warn me. “I know you have some social anxiety so I just thought i’d let you know that there’s a huge group of school children coming by later”. Nice of her to let me know. It’s nice that there are people who understand me and my oddities. Anne has been pretty open with me about the fact she has some autism issues. On the spectrum? Maybe, I’m not sure exactly how to say it. But she has her own things, and we all have our things and being understood makes it all easier.
I made my escape before we were invaded by school kids. I was also pretty tired in the sunshine. Still feeling a little bit off, although I think it’s getting better. Oh and I got to say hi to Ophelia as she was arriving just before I left. It’s been a long time since I saw her last, so it was nice to get a quick hello. It’s nice being part of the place like that. Finbarr usually comes out and says hi too, he doesn’t deal much with the animals so he asks how they’re doing and he comments about Mia’s page too. I gave him one of our ‘business cards’ so he follows along there.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to fill my four stomachs.
23/7 2018

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We encountered a very dangerous tiger today. Luckily the goats were there to protect me.
Some kind of carved figure. No idea why it was lying around outside the goat pen.

23/7 2018

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NEVER EVER REBOOT BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER OR YOU WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE
23/7 2018

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CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME, IRAN. YA DUN GOOFED.
23/7 2018

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ALL CAPS GOAT IS ALL CAPSED

23/7 2018

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” Its goal is to “balance the interests of all parties involved in and affected by species and habitat listings—including species themselves, private citizens, industry, local governments, public infrastructure projects, nonprofit organizations and other entities.” ”
I sure am glad they included ‘species themselves’. Otherwise I might suggest they only care about industry, government, infrastructure, organizations and… ‘other entities’? There is no endangered wildlife, there is only Zuul.
Don’t worry. It’s only Fake News. Trump and his cohorts aren’t out to rape the world and burn it all down and maximise the profits. I am sure Trump will get around to posting an ALL CAPS warning to polluters not to ruin the environment any day now.
Fuck the world, it lets you do that when you’re a star.
We’re the good guys, Michael.
link: article
23/7 2018

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Two years ago. I always block out the date. The nightmare morning.

23/7 2018

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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi day, everyone.

24/7 2018

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Visitors with food, the best kind.

24/7 2018

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It must have been really really hard for Noah, though, turning away all those poor kittens after he’d accepted the first two. If there’s one thing I think of when hearing about Noah’s ark, it’s all those drowning kittens.
24/7 2018

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The visitors got a little Tomato Time show

24/7 2018

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Give us the greens, all the greens

24/7 2018

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The world would be a really great place, if it wasn’t for all the people.
#BasilFawlty2018
24/7 2018

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A good time was had by all

24/7 2018

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goatlog

24/7 2018

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Quiz:
“What You’re Seeing and What You’re Reading is Not What’s Happening!”
Said by:
A) David Lynch
B) Donald Trump
C) That magician down the street practicing his tricks.
24/7 2018

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Which way do we go?

24/7 2018

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The jester is sitting on the throne and we’re all his entertainment.
24/7 2018

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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, everyone.

25/7 2018

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Sky is queen of the picnic table. For some reason Milo has forgotten how to climb it. So when Sky jumps up on top of the table to get a treat, Milo runs underneath it and then pokes up like this. Of course he still gets a treat.

25/7 2018

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Today has been cancelled due to excessive heat. It is too hot to be a human. I am now a potted plant, please water me accordingly.
25/7 2018

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Putting on a 10 hour rain mix on the youtubes because I’m too fat to raindance. If it does start to rain, please don’t tell the goats it was my fault. When I tell them that the grass needs rain to grow they just come back with “BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE ACID RAIN?!” and then garndma kicks me in the shins.
You don’t know what it’s like, man. You weren’t there.
25/7 2018

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Looks like my brother is heading into some unexpected surgery soon. Still ongoing problems with infections because of the dialysis stuff. So, good thoughts for him please. He’s on vacation visiting family in another part of Denmark, so I’m not sure if they’re going to transfer him home first or when exactly they’ll do it.
25/7 2018

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Thank you everyone, for the positive thoughts. I am heading to the bed place. I may say a lot of crazy things, but I’ll just outcrazy myself and say that just maybe love will make it okay.

25/7 2018

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Today will be a good day. Here’s Peanut and Popcorn from 2015.

26/7 2018

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Good goat times today. After a rough morning. Wasn’t feeling great, emotionally or physically. And the weather forecast promising one of the hottest days of the year. I kinda just wanted to stay in an igloo. But I got myself dragged to the goats. Let them out to do their thing while I relaxed in the shade. They always center me when I am out of whack.
Lots of visitors today. The summer holiday and the great weather brings out lots of people. Most of them enjoyed the goats. There was one little girl who didn’t. She was with her mother and an older sister. But she’d cry every time the goats got near her. And then unfortunately the litttle pygmies decided to crash the family picnic as they were unpacking food on the picnic table. The little girl went completely hysterical and wouldn’t stop crying. Poor girl. Milo and Sky looked at me like “what’s the big deal, we were just checking if they brought food for us”. I hope the girl will get to keep visiting as she gets older so she can have some nicer experiences with the goats.
Everyone else was happy. There was a father with a boy and a girl. They spoke English with an Indian sort of accent. Like Apu. But they weren’t caucasian actors so it was ok. The boy was very loud, and I’m not sure if he couldn’t pronounce the G or not, but he kept calling the goats BOATS. And then when the little ones came pver he kept going BABY BOATS BABY BOATS BABY BOATS. Gotta love those baby boats. It’s pretty common that kids will call the goats other things, but usually it’s other animals. Like cows, cats, dogs or horses. I think it’s the first time anyone has called them maritime vessels. It’s also common that kids want the goats to adhere to stereotypical human family structure. Mia must be the daddy, Mio must be the mommy and then the little ones are their kids. So I often have to get into explainations about how Mio is grandma, but she’s actually Mia’s mother and the kids are a completely different breed. And also Mio isn’t pregnant, no really she isn’t. Lots pf questions today. And one father said as he and his kids left “Keep having a great day, it looks very hyggeligt in there”. Yes, lots of hygge in the goat pen.
I also managed to get Milo to stand on my back and then I got up to stand. I was still leaning over, I didn’t stand fully upright. But we’ll get there. I was going to keep practicing but then more humans arrived at the fence and we had to go and be social.
But holy bat-jugs, it’s hot in here, Alfred.
26/7 2018

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Lovely day for it

26/7 2018

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Just got an update on my brother. Surgery is done and he’s back home. Apparently the surgey wasn’t a big thing, so that’s good. But it would be nice if those infections would stop coming, and if he could get a new kidney soon. Hooves crossed. Thank you everyone for the good thoughts and support.
26/7 2018

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Just resting my.. soul

26/7 2018

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I’m not trying to be difficult, but HOW MANY comedians do I have to send out in cars to get coffee before one of them actually COMES BACK WITH MY COFFEE?!
26/7 2018

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Sky tired. Also, Lasse tired.

26/7 2018

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Today will be a good day. Have a Fuzzy Friday. Here’s young sir Fuzzlington with mother Mia in 2016.

27/7 2018

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Here’s a little preview for the premium subscribers. Sky can be savage. Full video will be on Mia’s page eventually.
link: Sky butt Milo video
27/7 2018

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If I were a magician or brilliant scientist I’d invent or conjure a machine that could turn love into actual healing power. So our animals could be kept healthy by our love.
I love knowing so many good, animal-loving people on the Facebox, but it sure makes you wish you could make everything okay for their animals too. It’s like we’re bound together by all the happy times, but even more so by the sad. There is no love without sadness.
27/7 2018

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ITS TIME I GOT BACK ITS TIME I GOT BACK AND I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW I GOT OFF THE TRACK
Good exercise in the 30+ degrees. I wish it was this hot all the time. As long as my space heater has the cooler function.

27/7 2018

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High five. Don’t leave me hanging, brah

27/7 2018

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GLOBAL WARMING IS A HOAX
*sticks head in freezer* call me if you need more science talk
27/7 2018

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Today will be a good day. Here’s Mathilde from 2005.

28/7 2018

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Ahh, cold shower. I can’t remember the last time I took a shower just for fun. Might have been years ago. I only do designated cleanliness showers. I wish I could go to sleep in a cold shower.
28/7 2018

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Don’t fight your destiny. But if you do, bring a baseball bat and brass knuckles.
28/7 2018

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Considering a lifestyle change to polargoats

28/7 2018

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Progress report from next door. A road right through the building. That’ll be some view from the apartments on top. I wonder if they’ll get a glass place in their floor so they can see all the cars going by beneath?
Meanwhile, on the other side of the road to the other direction they are erecting a whole new block of buildings and they’re just about to start the “shimmer metal plates into the ground” part of the work.Which means a month of even more horrible noise. But the good news is that the government wants to tear down another bunch of apartment blocks in the neighbourhood. So once all the noise is done and the place is really shined up, they’ll probably tear my block down and I’ll have to move. Progress!
It really is like that one season of South Park. Wasn’t that a plotline? How they spruced up a neighbourhood and then all the regular people had to move because onle horrible rich people could afford to live there? Something like that?
I live in a neighbourhood that’s been known as one of the worst ghettos in Denmark. Now we’ve had a giant, expensive long-term plan to improve the neighbourhood to make it non-ghetto. And just as things are really progressing they want to completely change the plan and tear buildings down and force out all the ‘low-status’ people (ie especially immigrants and the uneducated and unemployed). What a great plan for integration of immigrants. Solve all the problems in their neighbourhoood and make everyone get along. And then force them out so they can, I don’t know go make another ghetto somewhere else? At least I can probably go live closer to the goats if I have to move.
Anyway, I could go on and on. But since everyone has probably stopped reading a few paragraphs ago let me just say HAIL LUCIFER, MAY THE DARK ONE DEVOUR US ALL. Always read the fine print.

28/7 2018

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Okay, goats are more interesting than buildings and zoning laws.
Teefs and feetses.

28/7 2018

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Shark week and blood moon colliding. I’m sure that’s not a sign of the times.
28/7 2018

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It’s not a real heart

28/7 2018

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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, everyones.

29/7 2018

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Are you SURE that was the ice cream truck you heard?

29/7 2018

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goatlog

29/7 2018

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Reach the sun

29/7 2018

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I feel like a giant ocean liner on the sea. I know I have to change direction, but it feels like I keep being dragged in the wrong direction by inertia. At least there are no icebergs in this heat.
29/7 2018

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This is one of Sky’s favourite spots. Hope she never outrgrows it.

29/7 2018

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There’s a quack in everything, that’s how the ducks get in.
29/7 2018

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Goat company

29/7 2018

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That’s all for this week.


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