You want to trust religion
And you know it’s allegory
But the people who are followers
Have written their own story
So you look up to the heavens
And you hope that it’s a spaceship
And it’s something from your childhood
You’re thinking don’t be frightened

10/9 2018
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I need to find the nexus of the worlds, the silver pillars. Some way back to the world I was from.
10/9 2018
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Today will be a good day. Have a Mads Monday eeveryone.

10/9 2018
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Good goat times today. The forecast said there was a chance of rain, but we kept dry apart from a single drop or two. The temperature around 18C/64F. The hot hot summer and drought is over, but as long as it’s t-shirt weather then I’m happy. And when the sun came out today it was still quite summerly.
Took the goats out to the green nook, and we ventured further into the wilderness to new parts hitherto unvisited. Fresh greens, mm. Then back to the goat pen for relaxing. Actually, I worked hard. I made a new platform. Brought in a pallet as bottom layer and then six heaby pavement tiles on top. Works really well. I think I’m going to redo the first platform to put a pallet under that too. But those tiles are heavy lifting! I left the gate to the pen open while I did it, and suddenly we had little visitors. A kindergarten group. The goats went to the fence and got some admiration. And then one of the adults brought leaves for the kids to give to the goats. It didn’t take too long though, before the goats realised that the gate was open and they could get the leaves quicker without a fence in the way. Suddenly the air was filled with the terrified screams of traumatized children. While the goats tried to get them to understand that “if you just drop those leaves I will totally ignore you, I’m vegetarian I’m not interested in eating you”. Well, I got Mia back in the pen and closed the gate. Let the pygmies stay out for a little. They are less frightening and the kids happily petted them. The terrified little ones soothed by the comfort of tiny goats. I know that feel.
10/9 2018
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Do I have a little goat on me?

10/9 2018
—
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Oh yeah

10/9 2018
—
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The kids trying out the new platform. Spot the grandma!

10/9 2018
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My baseline right now is ‘I wish I was dead’. Or, ‘I wish Iwas not here’. The world is just shit and everything turns to shit and people open their mouths and shit pours out hashtag shithole. . It’s not even the sadness and depression I have known before. It’s more.. givingupness. What’s the point? What is there to be here for, what is there that won’t turn to shit? How long before I’m completely blind, before i am completely alone, before the world is paved over and evil wins? I do my best to distract myself from it all, but it always returns to the baseline. It’s like jumping on a trampoline. A trampoline of shit. When you’re up in the air then it’s fine, it’s kinda fun. You’re jumping on a trampoline. Whee. But sooner or later you go back down in the shit. You hit the baseline. And you start to feel like you’re carrying sacks of potatoes or anvils. And gravity is a giant disembodied hand pulling at your legs. It gets exhausting when there’s always a power greater than yourself dragging you down into the shits. You jump and you jump and you jump but you start wondering for how long you can keep jumping. And your boots get shitty and your metaphors outlast their welcome. And you kinda just want to stop jumping, and just lay down in the shit and let it cover you..
Don’t worry, this isn’t a cry for help. Not going to do anything stupid. Just had to get that off my chest to lighten the load. I’m high as a kite. Thank you for all the helium you give me, it helps me stay up in the air longer. Maybe some day I will grow wings, a chemical reaction. I’m blessed in many ways, just gotta keep sight of that. Here’s to a better day, let’s flush the shit now the toilet is fixed.
10/9 2018
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Wind beneath my wings

10/9 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi day everyone. Thank you for listening to me and being supportive. Counting my blessings, you and the goats are chief amongst them. <3

11/9 2018
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Great. Now my toilet is running. Had to call the service number. I think they’re sending a plumber? I don’t know how to human.
11/9 2018
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Plumblumber’s here! Oh thank goodness. I don’t like having humans over. But I was worried I’d fudged the call and that everything was wrong because I’m horrible. You know the stuff. At least now it should get fixed. Probably. Unless everything exploded because of the methane buildup. Or something.
11/9 2018
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Better with goats.

11/9 2018
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At least the plumbing took my mind off the shit.
Wait, that sounds wrong.
But yeah, feeling a little better mentally. We’ll see how long I can stay in the air. Thank you everyone for being you everyone. Please accept this free voucher good for one smooch in my kissing booth, or the dollar equivalent.
I really do appreciate you all, even if I’m not good at showing it.
11/9 2018
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“N. K. Jemisin Verified account @nkjemisin
I stopped posting 9/11 remembrances years ago, because it’s become increasingly clear that Bin Laden achieved exactly what he wanted with that attack — a US faltering under the weight of its own fear and hatred, stoked further by cynical billionaire-funded power plays.”
.
Loaded your world up with so many guns that you’re more likely to be killed by a toddler with a gun than by a terrorist attack. Do you feel safe? Well, do ya punk?
11/9 2018
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Don’t let the real world get in your head. There’s only room for goats.

12/9 2018
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A little cuteness with the kids
link: Milo Sky video
12/9 2018
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What if the dreams are reality and every time I ‘wake up’ everyone is wondering where the heck I am? They must think I have a second secret family two towns over or something, since I keep disappearing.
430 miles, follow the schisma. There’s a wrinkle in time, a disturbance in the force, space is folding in on itself. Does anyone else smell purple?
12/9 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day everyone.

12/9 2018
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Prison Bleat

12/9 2018
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Alternate Star Wars timeline where the imperials throw Han into a pit with a rancor instead of Chewie. Flashforward to Han having a rancor copilot. Always let the rancor win.
12/9 2018
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Always let the goat win

12/9 2018
—
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What the truck?!!
link: goats truck video
12/9 2018
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It’s a good thing that my head is so light, what with it being full of air.

12/9 2018
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Good goat times today. I almost didn’t make it out in the morning. Not because I was more depressed than usual, but because I was having wonderful, vivid dreams. I just wanted to stay in bed all day and dream more. But luckily I had to go to the bathroom and luckily I managed to tell myself that instead of going back to bed to dream more it would be smarter to jump in the shower and take a trip to Goat Town. Once I’m there I always wonder why I’d want to be anywhere else. Some good grazing, good relaxing, some platform rearrangement (managed to drop a tile one my finger again, at least it wasn’t one of the heaviest doublethick ones. But still. Clumsy human won’t rest until all his fingers have fallen off).
I love being with those goats so much. You have no idea. If they seem cute and funny in videos, they are evern better in person. Constant cuddles and silliness. My constants. I don’t understand why animal therapy isn’t more of a thing. I know it’s a thing, but it should be more. Especially for mentally challenged people, as myself. Being with animals just melts all the worry and pain away. I love our open Danish playgrounds with animals. There should be more, not less. All kids should have places near them where they can go and be with animals. Learn to take care of them and respect them and have fun with them. They are not lesser beings, they are pure. Pure goodness fo goodness sake.
*gets off soapbox* *gets mauled by gang of vicious cuddling goats*
13/9 2018
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Hey, how’d you get in there?!

13/9 2018
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Very concerned goaties watching the human drag heavy things around in their pen.

13/9 2018
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Hope everyone is safe in the oncoming weather out there. Remember, have plenty of paper towels. Paper towels are all you need in a hurricane. Just fucking tons of paper towels. It’s not like thousands could have died if you were there handing out paper towels. ¤%#¤/%& Piece of shit excuse for a human being.
13/9 2018
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Hi, we heard you needed a distraction?

13/9 2018
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love your loves

13/9 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s a little baby Nougat from 2006.

14/9 2018
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I like that the argument against convicted criminals being allowed to vote is that they don’t have good judgment. Meanwhile show me a politician (on any side) who isn’t actively lying, getting caught cheating, doing the best to fatten their own pockets, acting like children, being just generally awful people. Jesus christ, if having morals was a prerequisite for voting you might as well call off all human elections. I’d trust a weed smoker over an NRA member any day.
14/9 2018
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Don’t blame me, I voted for goats.

14/9 2018
—
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Three Ithorians walk into a cantina…
14/9 2018
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Strike a pose

14/9 2018
—
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goatlog

14/9 2018
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Special premium content for our valued subscribers! Unedited behind-the-scenes footage of the goats watching me work on the platforms. Watch in super HD how the goats just stand there. And watch. And nothing happens. You may want to sit down before starting this action-packed video!
(Spoiler alert: Nothing happens)
link: goats watch me video
14/9 2018
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Seeing the same posts over and over again really makes me want to spend more time on Facebook. Way to go, algorithm!
Also, getting barely a 100 views for videos on a page with 10,000+ Likes really makes me want to spend money to get the videos pushed out to the people that ought to be seeing them. Way to go, business model!
I just love everything, everything is great!
#StonedChildrensTV
14/9 2018
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A scene of horses

15/9 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Bruce and Clark from 2014.

15/9 2018
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That thing when you get an email from a website with the subject line “HIDDEN DISCOUNTS”. Come on, man. They aren’t hidden if you’re literally emailing people about them.
I also enjoy that one webshop that keeps trying to get me to buy stuff by offering me free socks. Sheesh. I’m on their mailing list because I sometimes buy from them. But a free pair of socks? You think i’m going to go on a shopping spree to qualify for a free pair of forking socks? I live in Denmark. We have free health care, free schools, free lunch, free willy. If I want a free pair of socks I’ll knit them from my own goat’s wool.
15/9 2018
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Goofy McGoof Goofs.

15/9 2018
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Just went on a little shopping spree. As you might have noticed if you watch my videos I don’t exactly refresh my wardrobe often. You can watch videos that are 5+ years old and I’ll be wearing the same stuff I wear today. I have basically 8 black shirts that I cycle through. And a couple of pairs of winter pants that I wear all year round because they have awesome pockets. I have long since stopped caring about my appearance. No sense fighting for a lost cause.
Anyway. Just ordered 5 new shirts for my collection. I had to limit myself. There were like 20 that I wanted. Various pop culture stuff. Blade Runner, Robocop, Alien, Lord of the rings. Wolfram hart, Mr Robot, star wars. A particular thing I really like are shirts with brands from within the universes. Tyrell corporation, Blastech industries, OCP, Cyberdyne Systems. Big Ed’s Gas Farm. Haha. I love those kind of fictional brands and stores. The Overlook Hotel, Shawshank guard, Evil Corps. Especially big sinister sci-fi corporations, for some reason.
Had to get myself fsociety and Twin Peaks owl symbol shirts, those were my main targets. So watch out for new shirts in the future, assuming they fit. I’ll have to stop trying to lose weight now, otherwise I’ll have to buy even more shirts.
15/9 2018
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Hey now, henow. Don’t dream it’s Danny Glover.

15/9 2018
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Don’t you just hate when your waiter just wants to take selfies with you instead of serving you food? #CelebrityGoatLife

15/9 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday everyone.

16/9 2018
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It’s getting a little crowded here…

16/9 2018
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goatlog

16/9 2018
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I accidentally updated my Firefox to the newest version, so now I have to perform an exorcism. Does anyone have some garlic and crucifixes I can borrow? BEGONE FOUL DEVIL I CAST THEE OUTHH.
For some reason someone somewhere decided to make it a rule that “you have to keep changing to stay relevant” hence why every single thing in history never stays good, if and when it reaches status of good it keeps evolving and inevitably gets worse and worse. And I’m not just saying that because I’m a bitter old man who hates change, now get off my lawn or I’ll call the cops.
16/9 2018
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At least goats stay great. Don’t change a winning formula.

16/9 2018
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Denmark halts digital voting trials due to fears of Russian interference.
But tell me again how something’s rotten in Denmark.
link: article
16/9 2018
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Look what I got! A funny goat book! And I think I recognise some of the faces in there… Thank you so much Deborah Ladd ! That put a cookiesized smile on my face!
link: book video
16/9 2018
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Lurking in the shadows

16/9 2018
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.
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That’s all for this week.

Have a good day and week everyone. Here’s the Peanut nut.
I am feeling a little unwell. I think I shall go to the bed place and dream away. I may postpone my goat adventures for the day. depending on how I feel later. It’s still only 4:30am in Denmarkilvania, so there’s still time to feel better and head out. I might just be tired. Don’t be alarmed if I go silent for a day, though. I feel like I may zonk out bigly.
PS the toilet is working, repeat the toilet is working. We have achieved flush.

3/9 2018
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Good goat times today. Yes, I managed to get out and goat instead of going to bed and sleeping for 24 hours straight. I think I made the right choice.
Comfortably warm and cloudy. Out to one of the green nooks for the goats to have their greens. It’s September, so summer is over in Denmark. Let’s hope the greens last as long as possible. I mean. Before the goats eat them.
Still not feeling too well, despite the good goating. So I had to leave a little earlier than usual. And for some reason no one had arrived to let the horses and other animals out. I don’t feel comfortable leaving the goats out in the pen when I’m not sure there’s someone around to supervise, so I had to put them back in the stable before I left. They weren’t happy about that. Especially Milo. He has sort of taken over Mia’s role as hysterical bleater. She can still bleat hysterically, but I think she feels she can dial it down since Milo goes full bleat. He’s an opinionated little guy. And he thinks it’s very unfair if things don’t go his way. Like, if I don’t give him treats he’ll just steal the whole bag. He managed that today too. It was hard closing the door on them with those sad, sad bleats. Hope someone got there to let them out again quickly. I think I’ll watch a little Castle Rock and then it’s definitely time to zonk it good. Zzz.
Oh yeah, thanks for the concerns. I’m sure I’m just tired. Need to dream it all away.
3/9 2018
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The green nook.
That sounds kinda like a racial slur against martians.
I think I need to flush my brain, let’s hope it’s not broken.

3/9 2018
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Alright, it’s zonks time. I’m going to to bed before I pass out like a flyer at a ..thing where flyers get passed out. Did you put something in my drunk?!
Don’t wait up. This could be a long one, as the giraffe said to the pickled jar of …pickles?’
3/9 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi Day everyone.

4/9 2018
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I was nominated to post 10 movies that matter to me, I think. But since I never do tags, here’s a goat.
How am I feeling? Better, I think. But still a little off. Not sure if coming down with something or just being big baby. Paging dr Pizza.

4/9 2018
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I don’t care what side you’re on. If you’re for or against the tax bill, for or against the judge. Giving out thousands of pages of information shortly before a vote with no chance of people reading them is not okay. You can’t run a country like that, you can’t forking run a World of Warcraft guild like that. I assume. I’m not a nerd.
Anyway. I still have to chuckle at that Fox Business News anchor saying there’s something rotten in Denmark. Girl, you barely have a functioning democracy, your leader is a sack of shit in a shirt with pants on fire. Go ahead, elect a guy for a lifetime position without everyone having the facts. What could possibly go wrong.
Meanwhile kids can’t go to gaming competitions without being shot and girls can’t go to funerals without getting felt up on air. Build a wall around yo self, you’re drunk.
4/9 2018
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“Per Bob Woodward, Dowd did a practice session with Trump to prepare him for a Mueller interview, peppering him with questions about the Russia investigation and “provoking stumbles, contradictions and lies until the president eventually lost his cool.”
If we can’t have the pee tape, is there at least video of this?!
4/9 2018
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Alright, enough human stuff. Here’s some goats. Wait, I think humans snuck into this one too..

4/9 2018
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Happy hump day everyone.

4/9 2018
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*Jaws theme*

4/9 2018
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Hey, this is new. What is it? Is there food in it?

4/9 2018
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Look, I climbed a thing!

4/9 2018
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Frankly, I’ve seen more competency and leadership ability in a Police Academy movie.
4/9 2018
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Hey, wanna play goatsball? Or hoof some hoops?
link: Goats on the field
4/9 2018
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goatlog

4/9 2018
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If the Castle is a rocking, don’t come a knocking.
4/9 2018
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all of this

5/9 2018
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This world could have been good, but you threw it away. I hope the delicious sin was worth it when we burn in the fire everlasting. Hope your raincoat is fireproof, sunshine. #Stillaratinacage stellar rats in cages shooting stars and hurricanes a chemical warfare reaction red sea of sorrow and despair parted combed over glossed over over over over and last one out turn off the lighst
5/9 2018
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Why you gotta stare?

5/9 2018
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Well, I shall retire to my private space, the dreams that I carry. In a bag over my shoulder strolling down the shire road.
Anyway. Feeling better, but something’s off. Can’t tell if it’s emotional or physical. Something in my head or something in my body. Who knows. Maybe, and this is a radical thought so hold your horses and tighten your collars, the head bone’s connected to the body bone. Bone clocks tick tock. Dementia, heart attack, cancer, car crash, suicide, insulin shock, fall from a great height, mass shooting, satellite falling, nuclear war, implausable yet unavoidable circumstance, ritual sacrifice, lion attack. Tick tock the wheel goes round and round. You never know where it stops and when your time is up. Hear today, deaf tomorrow.
Pretty sure I’ll make it to tomorrow at least. But I can’t promise I’ll make it out of bed. W’ll see how the feels feel.
Hey, thank you all for being instruments in my symphony. As I am in yours, if you’re reading this. Just imagine me in a tutu playing the tuba.Then it wasn’t all for nothing and all for one. See you on the other side, brother. Don’t worry, everything will proceed cyclically. The end is the beginning is the end. The chrome reflects us. You’re either the sheriff driving off with a monster in your trunk or you’re the monster driving off with a kid in your trunk. It’s all fictional, no squealing remember that it’s all in your head.
To be continued. Sequels, prequels, reboots, remakes. The franchise is just getting started.
5/9 2018
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Today will be a good day and everyone is completely sane. Have a Fuzzy Friday everyone. Wait, it’s Thursday. Probably. What year, month and date is this?

6/9 2018
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I slept for about 22 hours. Totally normal, right? Cool. I feel okay physically, but the sense of this not being my world is there. Maybe I’m unstuck in time. Or maybe humans are just the worst and I don’t want to be one? I’ll be goat.
Thank you all for being good humans. Sometimes it’s hard to keep in mind that there are good humans. A reason to be in this world.
I really need to get in better shape, but I’m allowing myself pizza today. I’ll allow it.
6/9 2018
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No offense if you’re a human. You are what you are. Goats are just better company when you’re tuned into the things that matter, like love and food, and more food.

6/9 2018
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A song for the boy that no one could love

6/9 2018
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If I loved you then I love you
7/9 2018
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the light and the dark, the night and the day. i wonder if the universe expands and contracts like breathing lungs.maybe we are cancer in the lung, maybe we are the cure. does the cancer know that it kills, does the cure know that it heals? do we know what we’re doing?
7/9 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here are the Ping Pong twins from 2016.

7/9 2018
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I kinda want to do a Nike commercial parody with one of the goats. Just Eat It All or something. But then I’d have to research the font and then I realise I don’t want to post anything political on Mia’s page and even though it would just be a joke it still might offend someone because Nike uses sweatshops or Nike picked the wrong Sportsguy or whatever. Humans are dumb. And I’m lazy.
7/9 2018
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Look, there’s no shame in not being able to pronounce ‘anonymous’. It’s all the corruption, dishonesty and bigotry that’s shameful.
7/9 2018
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Rain and Thunder outside. I’m going to cue up The Sinner, Mr Mercedes and the last episodes of Castle Rock. Maybe I should turn off the lights and light up some candles. Blind people putting lit candles all over their apartment is a great idea, right?
Hmm, maybe I should rewatch Bates Motel too. Twas a dark and stormful night…
7/9 2018
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Obama vs Trump is like Darth Vader vs …what was Rick Moranis’ character in Spaceballs called again?
And remember, Anakin was redeemed in the end so the metaphor totally hold up don’t at me
7/9 2018
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Meanwhile, in Goat Town.

7/9 2018
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Don’t leave

8/9 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Bob from 2012.

8/9 2018
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Grandma vs Gravity, the neverending battle

8/9 2018
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Finally caught up completely with Castle Rock. Funny, several times lately I’ve been saying how I feel like this isn’t my world. Well, now I have a theory…
at least I haven’t been locked up in a basement for 27 years. Unless you count my head.
8/9 2018
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All of this

8/9 2018
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The constant

8/9 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday everyone.

9/9 2018
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goatlog

9/9 2018
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Hey, this is a very exclusive party. I don’t see your name on the list? Can I see your invitation? Please don’t make a scene, I know what you humans are like.

9/9 2018
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Sorry. I shouldn’t be allowed on the internet.

9/9 2018
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Got 99 problems but my luftballons ain’t one.
9/9 2018
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Stick with goat photography they said

9/9 2018
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I’m not sure, but I have a hunch someone dropped something delicious under the picnic table…

9/9 2018
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That’s all for this week.