Life is confusing and people are insane.
Ain’t it the tooth. Ain’t it just the gosh darned tooth.
Can we be happy for a while? Can we just sit here and shut up and smile?
14/5 2018
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HOLD THE PHONE! Okay now that my hands are free I can type this.
Why did nobody tell me The Simpsons were going to Denmark?!
“Season 29, Episode 20 – “Throw Grampa From the Dane”
After receiving an insurance payout, the Simpsons go to Denmark, so Grampa can benefit from the country’s free healthcare.”
WE MADE IT IN BEFORE SEASON 30, You know when the show will go stale.
Stay tuned for an extensive review. There better be goats- 14/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Jacob and Finn from 2009. Here’s to a good week. 14/5 2018
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Good goat times today. Sparkling, gorgeous, sunny day. Forecast promised upwards of 37C/80F today. I’m not sure it got quite that hot in my hood, but it was a hot day. Maybe the hottest I’ve had yet. Legit summer. Beautiful. I had an appointment at the eye doc first thing in the morning. No news there, which is good news. Everything stable, see you in 6 months. It’s always annoying after the checkup because they dilate the pulips. Dilute the tulips. They obfuscate the eyesight. I can see worse is what I’m saying. But it was still bliss to sit around and watch the goats graze in the haze. Nothing too earth shattering today. Just quiet. Some back jumping from the little ones. Panting in the heat. Once again I had to offend the goats by eating some of their banana and apple rations to keep up my energy. And drink plenty. The walk home was hot and bothersome, but I’m in much better shape now. No blackouts, just a grey dillweeded haze. 14/5 2018
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Lovely day for it. 14/5 2018
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Don’t forget to stop and eat the flowers 14/5 2018
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Oh, I’m so tired. And my eyes are busted. It’s just past 6 pm and I’d probably go to bed if it wasn’t for the fact that there’s a big big game on tonight. My beloved soccerball club can win their first championship in 13 years. If we win tonight it’s almost mathematically guaranteed. Last time we were champions I had the eyesight to actually watch games. Sigh. Crossing all my fingers for a good result tonight. And I’ll try not to write too much about the soccerball. I know you Americanos prefer fast dumb sports that give head injuries that can’t be cured because you have no health care hashtag controversial political satire ps we’re not going to talk about Kushner 14/5 2018
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What the duck?
Oh that one always quacks me up. 14/5 2018
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I think the Christopher Reeve’s Superman was the last time I really cared about Superman in the movies. RIP Margot Kidder. 14/5 2018
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Turning off the Lasse mainframe. The battery powered steam Lasse will sit watch while I’m gone. Please don’t forget to close the tear in the fabric of space/time behind you if you’re planning to go out tonight. Bring butter, you never know when you might be toast.
PS do not ask about the sports 14/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi day, everyone. 15/5 2018
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Here’s some Premium behind-the-scenes content. Don’t forget to like, comment and subscribe and please leave us a review on iTunes. link: mia me video 15/5 2018
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Oh my! Look what I retrieved from the box of things that are delivered through postal services. Thank you, Lisa Krolasik! Um num num. I had a little taste, and my favourites I think were the raspberry m&ms. Which is surprising because I’ve never been a big fan of raspberries. It’s all great, though! 15/5 2018
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goatlog
15/5 2018
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Pretty much all the goats are on a bit of a diet right now. I think we’re starting to see some results. Don’t the little ones look…. littler? I mean, they’re still round. But they seem slightly less comically inflated. They better not get too skinny, I don’t want to be the onle fat one in the goat pen. 15/5 2018
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Ahaha, that’s a new one! Well done, Sky. 15/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys. 16/5 2018
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Laurel or Hardy? 16/5 2018
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I hope you’ll all subscribe to my new pocast “The Sum Of All Fours” in which I’ll review the fourth instalment of every long-running movie saga out there, starting with the episode “Oh no, why did I do this” reviewing Lethal Weapon 4. 16/5 2018
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Still my princess 16/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Clark from 2014. 17/5 2018
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Good goat times today. Another beautiful presummer day. I think it got past 20C/70F. First with a refreshing breeze, later on just feeliner hotter and hotter like a thong song.
Perfect for grazing and lazing. We had kindergarteners visiting too. Sky is getting really good at jumping up on my back, and she’s learning the cue too. The kindergarteners were all around and I leaned over and Sky jumped up there and got her raisin and everybody was very impressed. It’s always fun to put on a show.
Mia put on a little ‘show’ of her own. A show of audacity. She stole the banana that I was saving for myself for the walk home. Haha. I had put my backpack up on the roof of the shelter, but not far enough I guess. Because Mia managed to get to it and it didn’t take more than 5 seconds and she had a whole banana in her mouth and a “you snooze you lose” look in her eyes. so it goats.’ 17/5 2018
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Lovely day for it 17/5 2018
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If someone thinks that calling people animals is a great insult, well that says a lot about them. It says you’re a person who does not value animals and nature and climate. It says you’re out to rape the world and maximise the profits. To shoot hibernating bears in the face and import ivory from Africa and drill Alaska. To have your filthy offspring proudly posing in pictures with the dead remains of beautiful, endangered animals. With love as a commodity you buy from pornstars while your third wife is home feeding your newborn. You sir, could not aspire to ever be as noble as any animal. 17/5 2018
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Some of the visitors today. 17/5 2018
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Oh hai, Faceburk 17/5 2018
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This fuse is lit af 17/5 2018
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flanked 17/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Medium from 2013. 18/5 2018
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Thoughts and prayers for Santa Fe. Maybe if Texas had less strict gun laws this wouldn’t have happened. 18/5 2018
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Lovely day for it. 18/5 2018
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When you’re expecting the delivery guy to say “happy weekend” so you say “Thanks, you too” but then realise the delivery guy said “bon appetit”.
Ah well, pizza will forgive and make me forget. 18/5 2018
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Ted Cruz is apparently “A rated” by the NRA, whatever that means, and voted against universal background checks after Sandy Hook. I hope he washes the blood off his hands before he prays for the Santa Fe victims. 18/5 2018
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Do Not Disturb sign 18/5 2018
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We just wanna party. Party just for you.
18/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Herman from 2014. 19/5 2018
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updated his profile picture.
Homer vs Denmark 19/5 2018
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Don’t come up here! 19/5 2018
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We return now to the royal weeding in progress. 19/5 2018
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It’s not you, it’s me. And Mia.c 19/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, guys. 20/5 2018
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Bonus Funday, since it came up in memory. link: baby palel memory 20/5 2018
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goatlog
20/5 2018
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Almost caught them again. 20/5 2018
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Aw, I love that. Sky sat down next to Mia. Like sisters. 20/5 2018
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A little one comes bearing gifts in the hopes of appeasing the allpowerful Milo, wizard of the greens. 20/5 2018
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You lookin’ at me? 20/5 2018
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Fuzzybutties 20/5 2018
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It’s been a pineapple flavoured sort of while. 20/5 2018
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Lil miss thang. It’s funny how Milo portrays himself as the confident and capable one, but it’s really little, unassuming Sky who quietly masters the tricks of the treat trade. Not making a big deal of it, just doing what it takes to get uncle to give out the treats. Got me wrapped around her little hoof. 20/5 2018
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Haven’t heard back from Chris Hardwick. Guess he’s not interested in the Talkin’ Goatlog Aftershow. Pity. 20/5 2018
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Cool kids. 20/5 2018
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End of Facebook. Go go goat photos.
It’s funny how the correct alignment of chemistry in my brain helps my heart feel full of love. It’s like the drugs are an army of little workers with pickaxes picking away at the shadow blanket that’s draped over my head. The light is always there, I just need some help to let it in. Something to put a crack in the dark.
I should point out that I mean medicine drugs, not drugs drugs. Although it probably sounds like I’m on drugs drugs drugs. 6/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Mathilde and baby Magnethe from 2005. 7/5 2018
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Good goat times today. A gorgeous, sunny spring day. With summery temperatures, bprobably just above 20C/70F. That’s what we like it was almost too much for me to day actually. As I’ve mentioned I have been feeling unwell. I’m feeling a lot better, but there’s still a lot of tiredness and lack of energy remaining. Lucky I was smart, since I figured I might get in trouble. I made sure to pack my water bottle with half frozen lemone. I figured I might need it on the walk home. But half of it was gone before I even got to the playground. And I had to refill it a couple of times. I also brought extra apples. For me. In theory. Half of them ended up for the goats anyway. Sheesh. Goats have no boundaries. You sit down and start to eat and apple and immediately they run up and try to wrestle it from you and when that fails they just start eating from the opposite side. So you get to eat about half an apple and then you have to stop otherwise you’d just be eating goat saliva. Haha. I think it helped, but the walk home was still pretty brutal. I had to stop and sit at a couple of bus stops (still not taking the but, though if the old ticketing system was still in place I might have done so today. I can’t tigure out the new eletronic system. Blindy McBlindFace). I also had to stop a few times at the side of the road and hend over to try and stop the back pain. Not a fun walk.
There was some trying times with the goats too. A couple of times it felt like my body took a couple of seconds to discus amongst itselves whether it should have a blackout or not. A couple of times I was doing stuff with the goats in the sun and I had to drag myself into the shade and sit for five minutnes, not to feel okay but to feel like I wasn’t going to pass out.
I’m making it sound worse than it was. I’m fine, really. I’m going to sleep long tonight.
And the goating was great, of course. It’s a joy sitting in the sun, watching the goats graze. There are plenty of greens now. Happy little goats. And happy big goats. Makes for happy almost blacked out human.
There was one mishap, though. Milo managed to get himself, caught on something. I think. If you know the distress bleat of a baby goat, you know it’s hard to mistake for normal bleating. He was in some trouble. They were at the kindergarten fence going at the greens and I was sitting a little way away on a bunch of branches. Kind of in an uncomfortale position and the fact that getting up from sitting down made me dizzy a lot of times today.. it took me like 30 seconds to get up and get going while he was wailing. When I finally got over there the kids at the fence had helped him free from whatever situation he’d gotten himself into. So I thanked them, and Milo just strutted away like “Yeah, whatevs. I could have gotten myself out of that, I just wanted to give you a chance to feel useful, humans”. Seemingly no worse for the wear. Phew. Those panicky bleats are not fun.
A little later Finbarr poked his head out to say hi and remark on the wonderful weather and some other stuff. We were still by the kindergarten fence, It’s a long fence, I think there may be multiple kindergartens there, or maybe they’re just split into sections or something. Anyway, Finbarr recognised a grownup on the other side of the fence and said to him “You’ll have to pay extra for this!” indicating the goats. Yeah, the goat show doesn’t come for free! Well, actually it does. The kindergarteners usually enjoy when I take the goats out next to them.
After the grazing there was lots of lazing in the goat pen. I don’t think I have ever felt so tired at the goats before. Usually the goats are the ones taking breaks in the shade. Getting them fresh water felt like pushing a boulder up the hill. Three times. Gotta have enough water on a day like this.
I’ve been writing too much now. Tired and hungry. There was a little milestone achieved today with the kids, something I’ve been wanting to have happen for quite a while. I’ll save that for a later update. Always leave the audience wanting more. You know, after 27 paragraohs of goat and health anecdotes you’re all desperate for more, right? RIGHT? Right…
I hope I got some good pictums of the milestone, then I can show you later. Please send ice cream and foot wraps. 7/5 2018
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If the idea of me and a goat eating from opposite sides of an apple doesn’t make you think of Lady and the Vagabond then you are hereby reprimanded.
Imagine if human had as few boundaries as goats. You’re sitting on a park bench eating an apple and then some other person comes walking by, sees you and then sits down next to you on the bench and starts eating from the other side of your apple. Haha. I think I’ll put that in my upcoming rom com novel “How I Met Your Mother, Who Has No Boundaries”. 7/5 2018
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Beautiful day for it. 7/5 2018
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Yes! We have achieved goat babies climbing on my back! Finally. I thought I’d give it a try today. It’s not easy because trainging them requires treats and it’s very difficult to give out treats to the little ones without the big ones bulldozing in. I figured Milo was the most likely to accomplish it since he’s a little more advanced and self assured. I was trying to get him to do it while also trying to keep Mia at fair distance. And then suddenly Sky was up there. Haha. Later on Milo managed it too, several times. We’ll see if can teach them to do it without any more prompting than me leaning over. So far so good. My t-shirt was a bit slippery for them, they really need a hoof trim. Hopefully soon. But I’ve missed having baby goats standing on my back. 7/5 2018
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I am the sleep, AMA 7/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi Day, everyone. 8/5 2018
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No, I’m pretty sure it’s Dr Harold Bernstein.
Wait, what universe am I in? 8/5 2018
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I like how the little ones are often close to Mia, like this. Grandma is more prone to pushing them away, especially when they’re eating. Grandma does not share. But Mia is more accepting, so you often get scenes like this where it almost looks like Mia is out with her own two babies. The little ones have definitely earned their place in the herd, which is lovely. Makes it so much easier when I can walk around with them as one big group. 8/5 2018
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Yeah, I’m totally watching the goats. Hard at work. I got it. Don’t worry. They’re around here somewhere. 8/5 2018
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goatlog
8/5 2018
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You know what I love? I love Louie Anderson on Baskets. Christine is the star of the show for me. I remember when it started and because it was a Zach Galifinikiknikninias show I was expecting a sitcommy laugh-a-minute thing. And it was so far from that. And it took me a while to get into the vibe. But I love it now. And it was the same thing with Louie playing Chip’s mother. It took me a little to get that it wasn’t a gimmick, or a thing, it just is. And it’s perfect. I hope it comes back for more seasons. Martha and Christine and Chip and Dale, they’re so funny in a sweet, touching way.
Oh I was just going to say I think Louie should win awards for Baskets, and I looked it up and he won an emmy for it. I love a happy ending.
This has been Another Relevant Update By The Guy With Welladjusted Brain Chemistry. 8/5 2018
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Exit Iran deal, Oliver North heading NRA, mocking rocket men. We’ve never been closer to world peace. Boom, boom, boom, give them all the Nobel prizes.
8/5 2018
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This actually shocked me. Sometimes it’s good to be shocked out of your comfort zone.
8/5 2018
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I love the blue skies 8/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys. 9/5 2018
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I could be as attractive and talented as Donald Glover.
but then they invented pizza. Also, genetics I guess. Well, somebody’s to blame, I’ll point fingers boom boom boom.
I kinda can’t get This Is America out of my head. The snl performance, the video. All the layers, and just the music. It’s mesmerising.
Everything about Glover seems amazing. He should stop that and put on a shirt. I don’t even wear shorts in summer, somebody ple 9/5 2018
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Here is some exclusive bonus premium content for all you who are pledging big dolluh to my patreon dot com.
I think Mia thought I was dead, so beign the helpful girl she is she went to check my pulse. The pulse is in the treat pocket, right? link: me video 9/5 2018
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. It seems like part of the castle on the boat on the moat, with goats has been dismantled. They cleaned up the area (which is good) but took some of the pallet buildings away. Hmm. Well, there’s still stuff to climb on. Looks less fancy now. The goats were more interested in the greens next to it anyway. And then Finbarr came dragging a big trailer and everyone decided that this would be an appropriate time to act like demons and hefflire had spawned with the very mission to devour all goats in sight. In other words, head for the hills and ignore uncle’s failed attemps at giving directions. 9/5 2018
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I love these kids 9/5 2018
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Good goat times today. Another beautiful day, although it started off cloudy and with a fresh breeze. Which was quite comfortable. Glad I got going, because it was one of those mornings when I almost didn’t make it out. The alarm went off and I went nope and decided to spend all day in bed. Luckily I managed to renegotiate the terms. I gave myself a couple more hours in bed in exchange for actually getting up and going straight to the goats to get some good time in. Hence no affirmation/flashback post this morning. The Lasse giveth and the Lasse taketh. As the day went on the clouds and breeze went away and we were back to glorious summeriness. Apart from a quick rainshower on my way home. But spring rain is not too bad, especially when the sun comes back and dries you up when you’re five minutes away from home.
And the goating was great, as I knew it would be. Today’s a holiday in Denmark so the place was closed, all the more important I showed up so I could get the goats out in the morning. And so visitors could see the goats. Had a bunch today. There was a group of young people that came by, which is a little unusual. Usually it’s kids and/or their parents/grandparents/caretakers. But these were like 20something I guess, 5-6 of them. They said that finding our place had made the day worth it, haha. It sounded like they’d had other plans that fell through and then they’d stumbled on the playground by chance. They had dried up grass stuff for the goats, so their other plans must have involved animals too. When they first arrived and saw the goats outside they thought they’d jumped out of the pen on their own. “What if they run away?!”. Then I told them that it was just me who’d taken them out. “And they won’t run away?”. Not while i’m with them, I said. Haha. They were really nice and enjoyed the goats, taking pictures and asking questions. Laughing every time I had to direct the goats away from the flowerbeds. Which happened a lot. Because when you tell a goat no, a goat says “Fair point, I’ll just walk away… and then turn around and walk back and try again”. One of the guys said “sneaky animals” and then corrected himself because they weren’t really being sneaky, as they weren’t getting away with anything. They were just being stubborn. Goats, stubborn? Well, that’s certainly news to me. But yeah they all seemed really happy to have found the place. Plenty of other visitors too. Some kids were just leaving when the goats and I came grazing by and they dragged their dad over. “We wanna see the goats, we wanna see the goats”. And their dad asked if it was okay that they took pictures with the goats, and of course it was. It’s always nice when you can give people good experiences like that. And I got to say hi to Ophelia again, it feels like ages sine the last time. I’ve heard her on the premises but it was nice seeing her face to face again. And Anne too. It’s nice to feel part of the place, and people are happy to see you and happy to see the goats and the goats are happy and the sun is shining. These are the times to enjoy. Winter is over and spring is in high gear.
And Sky gets the award for excellence today. She did a cold jump up on my back. I wasn’t leaning over to invite it or holding out treat to coax her. Just sitting with the goats around me and she came from behind and launched herself up on my back. Perfect. They’re both learning quite well.
And to think I started off not wanting to leave the bed. 10/5 2018
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The goats entertaining our happy visitors 10/5 2018
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Uh oh, grandma’s under the house again. 10/5 2018
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Sand from a distant, vast, endless beach sifting through my fingers 10/5 2018
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70 more episodes of Rick and Morty? My soccerball team won the Danish cup today, but this, this makes me happy. 10/5 2018
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Here’s Milo surfing the human 10/5 2018
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Oh, by the way. I figured out what Milo’s beard reminds me of. 10/5 2018
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Put on some deodrant or this won’t end well for you, human. 10/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Peanut from 2015. 11/5 2018
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the gravity of other people 11/5 2018
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Next on Fox, The Benny Hill #MeToo Cavalcade. 11/5 2018
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Sometimes I wonder if Mia and Shadow have a little thing going. He likes to groom her when she stands close to his stall inside. But they’re good at playing it cool when they know I’m watching… 11/5 2018
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I tried something new today. I tried burger.
That’s right, burger. I never eat burgers. Because I can’t deal with anything remotely connected to onion and garlic and various other things. So when I order junk food it’s usually either pizza or fries or mashed potatoes or some kind of combination of that. But after a good workout today I decided to try this local burger joint on my fastfood site. And… I think I like it. I figured I wouldn’t be able to eat it so I ordered both regular and ‘magic’ (=curly) fries too, which is sitting next to me now largely uneaten. Fancy that. I guess I can order vegetarian burgers from that place in the future.
Generally I’m eating a lot healthier. Down 11 pounds from when I started paying attentino to my weight again. Tomatoes and cucumbers are getting good which helps me keep a good diet. Because I can basically live off that with a spoonful of peanut butter, and all the many supplements I take. I eat more pills than actual food (not really, I’m exaggerating, do not worry).
But yeah, I just thought that was amusing. For a fat guy, I can probably count the number of burgers I’ve eaten in my life on one hand.
Now, if only cold fries didn’t taste like Kanye West tweets. 11/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Mads from 2005. Entertaining the kids. 12/5 2018
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This documentary is scary link: Peter Griffin president video 12/5 2018
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violent and different
12/5 2018
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Another close call with the very dangerous goats. I’m amazed that I survived, a treatbag saved my life. 12/5 2018
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When I walk by other people I feel like their gravity pulls my molecules together and i have to be human in their presence and then when I’m past them I dissolve back into a cloud of thoughts and things that aren’t whole. You ever get that feeling? That you aren’t real until someone else has opened your schrodingerbox and looked at you. 12/5 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, guys. 13/5 2018
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My one wish in life is to be that one woman at every taping of every sitcom and comedy show who laughs just a little louder and longer than everyone else. 13/5 2018
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goatlog
13/5 2018
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See, a reflection. Now you can finally stop accusing me of being a vampire.
We all know I’m a weregoat. 13/5 2018
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I hope you’ll all subscribe to my new podcast “Some Tim Later” in which I go out on the streets of San Francisco with a microphone and ask people if they’re called Tim and I don’t stop until I find a guy called Tim. If you subscribe to the premium version on stitcher you’ll get a signed photo of all the Tims together in a group shot once a year. What a time to be a Tim. 13/5 2018
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Sometimes it does look like she’s their mother. 13/5 2018
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Turns out the machines were in our hearts all along
13/5 2018
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End of Facebook. Go go goat photos.
