Late night talk snow host.

9/1 2017
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Sometimes late at night I pretend I am the sole survivor in the armageddon and that Facebook is an AI construct that I created to keep myself sane in the belief there is still human life out there.
9/1 2017
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Well, I wake up to see that Meryl Streep has once again had one of her patented insane meltdowns. I only wish Lindsay Lohan could talk some sense into her. Sad!
9/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. Here’s your happiness allowance, don’t spend it all at once, kids.
9/1 2017
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Good goat times today. Thankfully a little bit warmer, which helped a lot. I had a foot therapy session booked this morning. I had forgotten to factor in how dark it was that early. Wasn’t a very pleasant walk along the highway in the dark. But I made it. And then on to the goats. Back to Mudville, Denmark. Oh well. We also had a horse invasion. Remember that time when I said the horses were in the goat pen? Happened again, only this time I got to see them coming in. There’s part of the fence that’s been knocked down. I’d seen some rope strung across it earlier, but that rope was down today and the horses climbed over the bottom part of the fence that still remained. One by one they entered the goat domain. Much to the alarm and concern of the goats, naturally. Oh dear. But we had some sweet, cuddly times too. And later on Ophelia came by, nice to see her for the first time in the new year. She led the horses back out of the goat pen and into the big pasture. Not all heroes wear a cape, said Mia and Mio in unison, in my head.
Also, I definitely didn’t buy pie.
9/1 2017
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I arrived today just as Finbarr had let the animals out. He told me some interesting news. It turns out that Alice, from the old playground, will be joining this playground. She worked at the old playground all the 10+ years I went there, much of it as manager. She’ll be starting here part time at first, but will be full time later. It will be nice to have a familiar face there. One that I maybe feel a little more comfortable talking to.
On the other hand.. don’t mention it in public posts, but Alice and Bodil kinda had a feud going on at the old place. Alice was one of the people who we felt sometimes prioritized money over animal welfare. I don’t know if she’ll be in charge of animals here now. I hope she isn’t replacing Ophelia. Shut up. Anyway, this place is very different than the old place and there are other people here in charge and working with the animals. So I don’t think it will be a problem. The last time I talked to her she was talking about helping getting a new horse there and maybe building something new for the goats and maybe getting a little pygmy friend for A38. So hopefully some of those things will come to pass.
9/1 2017
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Nevermind celebs not talking about politics, could we please have presidents not tweeting about celebs?
Although I will say that Trump has a point about Meryl Streep. Pretty overrated. I mean, she hasn’t won the World Series. She was VERY indecisive as Sophie. I don’t recall her ever grabbing any American Pies. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t last long in the ring against Mike Tyson. She hasn’t been in ANY Star Wars movies as far as I know. Also she’s not fat, which I consider a personal insult directed at me personally. Her first name almost sounds like Daryl’s brother’s name on The Walking Dead. Meryl. Merle. Meryl. Merle. Daryl Meryl. Daryl Meryl. Her name is like a combination of Daryl and Merle. That can’t be coincidence.
LOCK HER UP LOCK HER UP
9/1 2017
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Mio’s reaction when the horses started invading. Head for the bunker.

9/1 2017
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In more proof that I’m a capable adult: Currently using my space heater to keep my pizza warm.
9/1 2017
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Have you ever danced with yourself in the pale moonlight? The fantasy of flight. Out of the frying pan and into the quicksand.
10/1 2017
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Today will be a good day.
I got caught in a dream. That wasn’t the plan for today. Sometimes I just can’t world. When the world is full of shiffle. And the dreamworld is so beautiful.
10/1 2017
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Treats?

10/1 2017
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Public service announcement: I am really bad at replying to messages etc. Because it involves communicating with human people, which is not my forte. Also it says I’m connected to people on messenger, but I don’t have messenger. Or a smartphone. Or basic human coping skills. Also, please send your regards to the family of that pie. It didn’t stand a chance.
10/1 2017
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Lasse: “Let’s take a picture together!”
Mio: “Cool, I bet we’ll get a treat for it!”
Mia: “Suck it b***es, I’m outta here”
I think the diva is too cool for us now.

10/1 2017
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goatlog

10/1 2017
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The ad revenue from my pizza unboxing channel on youtube has really fallen this year.
10/1 2017
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That’s it. Can’t world anymore today. Off to dreamwalk. See you in 12-74 hours.
10/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys.

11/1 2017
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Well, I’m glad to see that the snifflestorm of craziness has not yet reached peak insanity.

11/1 2017
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You just know Meryl Streep is behind this somehow.
11/1 2017
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What if you merged Wal-mart and K-mart and you got Walk-mart?
WHAT THEN?!
11/1 2017
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American Horror Story: White House.
Season 7?
11/1 2017
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Do you ever worry that the world will keep spinning faster and faster and some day we’ll all be flung off and fall into deep space? Some nights it’s all that I can think about. The velocity of humans falling through space. I only hope there is someone at the bottom with a pot, catching us like water drops through the leaking roof in a rain storm.
12/1 2017
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Today will be a good day, here we go.
12/1 2017
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Good goat times today. Mixed weather, though. When I stepped outside it was lovely and sunny. Only problem was, the sun was behind me. Looking ahead I saw nothing but the darkest of skies. It sounds like metaphor or exaggeration. But it treally was like that. I turned my back to the sun and walked on into the darkness and rain. Even a little snow. Luckily not too bad, and not super freezing. The sun must have followed me because it came back out when I reached the goats. I swear, this is not allegory.
Later on the rain/hail/sleet/snow started again. Mia and Mia ran for the barn. A38 followed right along with them. Until she reached the door and seemed to remember that she’s scared of being in the same room as them. Aw dear. She stood at the doorway and bleated her Night Court Selma croaks. Couldn’t help feeling bad for her yet at the same time laughing because she’s so darn cute with that voice. I called out to her and she followed me to the halfshed. And because the big mean girls were rained in we got some private time, just A38 and me. I had an extra banana that I was planning to give to Mia and Mio, but I figured A38 had earned it so she snarfed it down with great delight and didn’t have to hoof it afterwards.
The horses invaded the goat pen again. I’ll have to talk to the people there and ask if they don’t have someone with carpentry skills that can mend the fence.
12/71 2017
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I hope you guys are all going to tune in when I go Live for a taste testing of the most famous cheeses of Denmark.
12/1 2017
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Remind me to do an Uptown Goat music video parody.
PATENT PENDING.
12/1 2017
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People are still occasionally sharing or commenting on this video. 18,000 views. Every time it pops up in my notifications it reminds me. As much as I loved his goofy leaping, the hugs are what I miss the most. Especially the surprise ones. Sometimes I’d be sitting there, my mind somewhere else and suddenly he’d lunge at me. Beautiful Palle.
link: Palle hug video
12/1 2017
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Totes tricked her into taking a photo with me.

12/1 2017
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I’m out. Off to dreamwalk and digest cheese. You might want to leave a window open.
12/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. I will do my best to send out positive thoughts to those who need it. Think of me as the space heater warming your pizza.
13/1 2017
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It’s okay, I have cookies. You can have some, but it will be a race against the clock for you to get here before I’ve eaten them all.
Oh, I just thought of a new TV show. The Amazing Cookie Race.
13/1 2017
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Is it too late for the Y2K bug to get us?
13/1 2017
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What cookies?
13/1 2017
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Coasting through life with a pretty face like that.

13/1 2017
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Put together a compilation of Palle hugs. And some people think goats can’t be affectionate.
Always bittersweet looking through all the old footage. Makes me miss the old playground too. For all its faults, I still have so many memories of sitting in those grassy hills or on that bench that was falling apart from grandma Mio stepping on it.
link: Palle hug compilation
13/1 2017
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and a goatlog

13/1 2017
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Look, I admit that Moana was a good movie. But for me, the best animated movie of 2016 was my flip book animation of a guy tripping over a banana beel and for no apparent reason exploding. Still trying to get it released in theatres.
13/1 2017
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Any page owners getting this message too when they try to edit videos on their page?
“Profile Is Not Eligible: Only verified Facebook profile is eligible to publish branded content.”.
The edits seem to actually go through even though the message says I can’t publish the edit. Weird. Looks like “branded content” is sponsorships or product placement etc. Maybe they think I’m being paid by the tomato industry. WHICH I TOTALLY SHOULD BE.
13/1 2017
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Member when I had cookies?
14/1 2017
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updated his profile
Dorks

14/1 2017
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That thing when the Terms & Conditions include the phrase “We isn’t not responsible in any way for situations of any nature”
14/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. Hang in there, kitty.
14/1 2017
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I believe I have previously claimed to like The Good Place. I should like to take this opportunity to upgrade my assessment and state that I love it. And it’s not just because it stars my wife, Kristen Bell, and Ted Danson, whom we all know is the alt-reality version of what I would have grown up to be if I had followed my acting dreams instead of that trail of goat berries that led me into the forest of the wild unknown. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, also the whole theme of trying to be a good person, especially if you’re actually extremely flawed, that has always appealed to me a lot. And also, it’s just so damn cute. Especially the Artificial Intelligence Janet Duke who just got married to the adorable moron Jianyu. They just make me laugh. I think it’s a really funny and cute show and it’s also doing a good job of keeping the mystery of the place going.

14/1 2017
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It’s 7 pm and I’m going ot bed. Because… well, I don’t have cookies. And that’s just number one on a list of many grievances. I need to dream away. Far away.
14/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, guys.

15/1 2017
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I love the dreamworld. I had a really good, long sleep. Among the craziness was a delivery of tons of candy and cake and probably cookies I assume. It was a Christmas gift from someone, but it had been stuck in mail so it arrived on my birthday. Must have been quite a delay since my birthday is in March. Also in the dream.. I had a 3rd sibling. I’m not sure if it was another brother or a sister. But in the dream it was just as if he or she had always been there. Kinda like when Dawn arrived on Buffy The Vampire Slayer. “What? Yeah, I’ve always had a sister. Totes”. Oh I love to dream. I don’t know why I ever get out of bed. Other than to answer the door when the pizzas are delivered.
15/1 2017
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Getting ready to watch some snl. Have a feeling I’ll be needing my rain coat.
15/1 2017
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goatlog

15/1 2017
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I wish I could live life like one of those Choose Your Own Adventure books. Which is to say, keep a thumb on the page you were coming from and if the choice you made turned out bad you could just go back and try the other option. Not that I ever did that, I’m not a cheater. I also wish I had a +7 trainer for life. Maybe an idspispopd to walk through walls-
15/1 2017
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End of Facebook, begin goat photos.

And that’s all for this week, see you in the next one.

Today will be a good day. We are a positive force for good in this magical year of 2017, which will be the year of our triumph.
Of course there might be setbacks along the way. Like this morning when I couldn’t get out of bed because I felt sad and because my dreams were so beautiful that I just had to stay in bed and stay in that world. But you know. Onwards and upwards.
2/1 2017
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Boop

2/1 2017
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goatlog

2/2 2017
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Brb, gonna binge…. watch.
https://munchies.vice.com/en/show/the-pizza-show
3/1 2017
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It’s 3:30 am and Wil Wheaton is reading Choose Your Own Adventure live on cam.
He’s not naked, but I might be.
https://www.twitch.tv/itswilwheaton
3/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. In this world.
3/1 2017
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Good goat times today. My first time going in the new year, because of failings as a human being. Luckily the goats now live in a safer neighbourhood than I do, so for the first time I wasn’t super afraid that something might have happened New Year’s Eve. What a nice change. And indeed nothing had happened. Unless you count the horrible disaster of water falling from the sky, oh no. I was calling for them at the fence and Mia bleated back from inside but they refused to come out. Tsk tsk. So I got a stool and sat inside with them. I must say, sitting inside was better at the old place. Here we have to be in a horse stall. Wtih lots of Horse… byproducts. Also there isn’t as much room. Poor A38 had to stand outside. I don’t know why she didn’t go to the half shed to stand, the horses weren’t using it. Maybe the cover from teh wall and door was enough. Maybe she just still wanted to be near her flockmates. Even if she was too scared to actually be in close quarters with them. I did try to help her get inside and keep the big girls away, but no she wouldn’t have it.
I guess I can’t blame her when I saw how Mio greeted the barn cat. Kitty was inside with us at first but then went out for a while in the rain. When she wanted to come back in Mio saw her amd the Mio train did a full charge. Luckily the barn kitty is considerably smaller and more agile. Easily dodged the powerhouse attack and jumped back up on her spot, sitting up on the gate. I guess even though they are neighbours at night, Mio still does not want kitty company. She keeps a tight ship.
Later on I went out to the half shed and got Mia and Mio to follow. Sat out there real close and listened to the rain. Which also let A38 get some dry time inside the stable. Oh goat politics. My wishes for the new year would be for us to get a young dwarf for A38 to bond with and to get a new place built especially for the goats with more space. I’m not sure what the chances are, but we’ll see. If they do get an extra horse they’ll need to find a new place for the goats. A big mansion would be fine. We could stay in the sauna on rainy days.
3/1 2017
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Barn kitty resting safely out of reach from the Mio train

3/1 2017
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Changed his relationship status to New Favourite Pizza Place
3/1 2017
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Kraften Vækkes.
Du er velkommen.

3/1 2017
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I’m off to dreamwalk. The wind is howling outside. At least that means I can’t hear the wolves. They always play loud music late at night. Damn metalheads, as the resistance fighter said to the T-800.
I’ll light the signal flare when I’m ready for my morning pizza. Around noon.
3/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys.

4/1 2017
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Next Stop: Soup Town
link: snl soup video
4/1 2017
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Do you guys know what Joe Biden’s plans for 2017 are? And do you think he’d be open to making some Stupid Goat Tricks videos with me?
#IWillGoViralThisYear
4/12 2017
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I just checked the weather forecast and I could swear I heard Adele somewhere. So sad, so cold.
Just gotta make it to spring.
5/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. I dreamt that my brother had a pet turtle that talked. I don’t know what I’m on but I’ll have what I’m having.
UPDATE: I have no idea why I said it was a turtle. It ws a talking frog. So now it all makes sense.
5/1 2017
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Good goat times today. But brrr. Brace yourselves. Winter has came. I had a doctor’s appointment this morning. Outside there was scattered snow adrift and a little yet falling. It hasn’t covered everything, but the landscape is considerably whiter now. And the frost is freezing and biting. The animals were still inside when I got to the playground. After warming up a little inside with them I took the goaties out. Now we can actually go out the main, white door. Because the mud is frozen and snowed under. Although it’s still hard to walk in. We all practiced some ministry of silly walks. And had some fun and I gave out treats. And tried to stay as long as possible, as the heat slowly left me. It might be time for thermal underwares. Maybe the battery heated ones. Brrrr. Just gotta make it to spring.
5/1 2017
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We did not order the frosting…

5/1 2017
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It’s times like these that I’m reminded how lucky I am, to have a space heater. Pointed right at me. At maximum strength.
5/1 2017
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Remind me to do a joke about A38 and banana splits.
5/1 2017
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updated his profile picture.
It would be worth looking this goofy if it kept me warm. Maybe add some giant earmuffs.

5/1 2017
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I am now retiring from professional baseball.
What? We weren’t playing baseball? But why did I keep throwing this ball into the hoop? And am I not supposed to shout CRICKET every time I hit one of those ice cream sellers with my bat?
Anyway, as I was trying to say before I was so rudely interrupted by my wandering attention, I am heading to bed. For a dreamwalk in the warmth under the wellness quilt. Where the snow is all marshmallow and the cocoa is always hot.
TOUCHDOWN!
5/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. Everything is warm. The fireplace is glowing. The Red Hot Chilipeppers are in the soup pot. Here in the Flame station. Toasty.
6/1 2017
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Apocalypse Sooner Or Later
6/1 2017
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Walking sacks of meat and bones without purpose or joy.
It’s funny, the people who get to know me through the goat page might not realise that much like Two-Face from the Batman, I am two people. The happy and the sad, always fighting themselves. Luckily I have goats and Facebookrinos on the side of happy.

6/1 2017
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Let it glow, let it glow, let it glow.

6/1 2017
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goatlog

6/1 2017
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Heads up, guys. I’m switching this to a parody account. From now on I’ll be posting as Jimmy Fallon On A Bad Trip.
Please support my life choices.
7/1 2017
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I won’t be denied this time fore I go out of my mind over matters got my foot on the ladder and i’m climbing up to the moon.
got a sky that looks like heaven. Got an Earth that looks like shit. It’s getting hard to tell where. What I am ends and what they’re making me begins

7/1 2017
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I am the 7 headed goat of anubis, I am the penguin in flight. I am the frozen tundra I am the scorched earth. I am the orbital wobble, the air strike, the grounded heron. I am time passing, time passed, time past, past ten, past tense I am post truth, trust, tremors I am the vomit of words the heaving, shaking ground I will not rest until I am empty so you can fill me up again with your cup, one drop at a time out of time I am the seven heads of the seven gods the beheaded hydra, hydrofoiled seven blades sharpest shave shiva sho long shuckers
7/1 2017
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Every morning I go and check my reflection in the bathroom mirror to make sure I haven’t been bitten by a vampire and turned overnight.
7/1 2016
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Today will be a good day. And you can trust me on that, because I am completely sane.
7/1 2017
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“fish!” is not a legal argument.
7/1 2017
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Serenderpity.
the occurrence and development of events by chance in a stupid or foolish way
7/1 2017
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I just got cat called. I told it that I hadn’t seen its tuna and this wasn’t a tuna delivery service and to please stop calling about the tuna.
7/1 2017
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goatlog

7/1 2017
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I only hope my 1.5 billion debt won’t stop me from getting that job as a cashier at Target.
7/1 2017
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Deck the fowls with howls of molly, fa la la, tra la la lol

7/1 2017
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It’s times like these when I’m glad it’s time to go to bed. Bedtime, to be specific. Off to dreamwalk to the moon, got my foot on the ladder. Don’t wait up. Or down. Or circles around the circumference. PS send more chocolate.
7/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, guys.

8/1 2017
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goatlog

8/1 2017
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“Thanks for getting a seat for me”

8/1 2017
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Brb, working on my new screenplay in which the knights of the round table are up against a rival gang of knights who have a square table. It’s basically West Side Story with knights.
8/1 2017
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If I were going to have my own talk show on American telly I’d have Radiohead as my house band and we’d just sit around and make jokes about how awful the human condition is.
That’s cold, Jay.

8/1 2017
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That’s the end of Facebook posts. On with goat photos.
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That’s all for this week, see you in the next one.