Got out and spent some time with the littles today. It is good to be with them, no doubt. My mind is a lot more at rest when i’m with them. Although it also hurts being where Mia.. isn’t. Anymore.
Milo and Sky did manage to make me laugh today. They did some fun running and jumping. Started with Sky climbing up on the goat mountain and pirouetting down again. So I climbed up on the mountain and watched them run up and down and jump goofily. Good to see them having some fun. And there were no screaming sessions today. Well, apart from when I left. That got them screaming like bloody murder again. But other than that, it was normal range bleating today. Maybe they are starting to adjust to the new reality. Let’s hope so. Let’s hope I’ll get there too.
A beautiful day. One of the warmest of the year. Some good sunshine after a cloudy morning. A smell of wood burning in the air. Jeanette had made a campfire. And then the kids that were supposed to come visiting called and cancelled. Darned. So the fire was for nothing. And I got to hand out the carrot slices that Jeanette had prepared to the goats. So it goes. Just like when it’s kids handing them out at the fence, Sky doesn’t really want any. But Milo gobbled them up. You can tell he is starting to assert his dominance. Often I had to use both hands to pet two goats at once, because if I was just petting Sky he’d come barging in to take over. And if I give a treat to just Sky, well there’s a headbutting a coming. But when it’s not a competition for affection or treats they get along fine. Sitting down fur to fur to relax in the sunshine. It is good to be with them. Just sitting with them in the sun is soothing. This is not the spring and summer I had been looking forward to. I was really hoping after everything going on in my personal and family life and the big move last year, that we could have a great summer together, the four of us. Sigh. Crazy to think a year ago I was getting ready for a summer in the big goat house with 6 goats and no worries. Time flies.
Oh and today I managed to hit my head on the floor of the fridge as I was getting something from the bottom shelf. Ah who knows, maybe it knocked some of loose screws back in place.
I must be feeling a little bit better when my posts start to get long and rambling. It was a good day. Now I have to try to keep the depression from slowly seeping back in.
1/5 2023
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Good goats stick together.

1/5 2023
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In other news, i think I saw a fox today.
On my way to the goats. There’s a bridge over a road and a little bit of greenery. I was walking towards the bridge and saw something there. At first I thought maybe it was a stuffed animal toy or something. It didn’t really look like a dog. It looked small and sleeker? But it moved, so I figured oh it must be a dog I guess. But there was no human with it. I kept walking towards it and after 10ish seconds I guess I think it saw me, in any case it moved off and down some stairs at the side of the bridge. I got up there and looked after it but couldn’t see anything. It would be pretty weird for a little dog to be running around there on its own. Of course with my eyesight you never know, could have been a lemur or squirrel.
I do know there are potentially foxes around even though it’s a pretty suburban area. Remember I mentioned we had ‘lost’ a hen? Yeah, according to Jeanette one was taken by a fox. It’s a dangerous world in the suburban jungle.
1/5 2023
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Here’s Sky on the mountain top. You’ll have to imagine the pirouette for now.

2/5 2023
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Video evidence that I can still laugh. A couple of highlights from the litles on the mountain. I wish I’d gotten Sky’s first pirouette jump on video, that was the best one. But there’s some cute stuff in here too.
2/5 2023
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Did you know that in Danish the idea of “haggling about the price” is called “prutte om prisen” which translates to “farting about the price”.
The more you now.
2/5 2023
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Here’s a little video of Henrietta Solo flapping her way up to the hay shelf. That’s her favourite spot, in the box of hay up there.
A little later she went into a long squawking fit, which made Jeanette go “A couple of weeks ago this would have sent Mia running out with an indignant look on her face”. That made me smile with one side of my face and cry with the other, as the saying probably doesn’t go. Yeah, when the feathers went into a long loud squawk it would startle the goats and they’d come out and stare like “what is that noise, keep it down!”.
And then Jeanette collected three eggs that Henrietta had layed up there.
3/5 2023
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It’s hard to get a good photo of the three of us all in the frame. This is the best I could do. I love the littles. Don’t know where I’d be without them now.
It’s been two weeks since Mia left us. The immediate blunt force trauma is easing slowly, but man I’m still feeling a ton of depression and sadness. Not surprising, and nothing wrong with that. Just gotta keep on keeping on. It’s difficult, though. Feels like there’s nothing to look forward to now. No point to anything.
Good thing I have a lifetime’s experience of pushing my way through the dense fog of depression, eh? Woohoo. One foot ahead of the other, until you get to a cliff or a slice of pizza.

3/5 2023
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Got out and spent some good time with the littles again. They seem to be in pretty good spirits. Only screaming when I dare to leave them, otherwise just the regular bleatings. Maybe a little more than usual, but at least not the desperate screams all day.
We had a good playtime again too. The kids racing up and down the mountain and hill. This time I wasn’t up on the mountain, which gave them more room to run back and forth on it. A couple of times Sky darted down the mountain and up the hill to the goat house, and Milo, who is a little slower I think, was left on the mountain by himself and it was like he couldn’t decide which route to take down, so he ended up running back and forth a couple of times before heading down. It was really cute. LEFT RIGHT LEFT OKAY DOWN! They got a laugh out of me again, which was good. That thing about maybe not goating anymore that i sad right after Mia passed, well those thoughts are long gone. What would I do without Milo and Sky? Hopefully we will be okay together.
4/5 2023
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It was a little colder today, so siesta was taken inside.

4/5 2023
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Here is some lovely fun from yesterday. Milo and Sky playing on the hill and mountain. And uncle Treatbag providing the laughtrack. I like how Milo snorts every time he runs away and up the hill. And Sky’s impressive jump over the bench. It’s so good to have some happy moments together.
5/5 2023
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Hope you’re all having a good weekend. Here is Milo and Sky relaxing. with a friend.

6/5 2023
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I have been doing pretty well at not letting the sadness in the last few days. Not thinking about it is obviously the best way to deal with things, as most mental health professionals will tell you.
Feeling it hard right now though, the sadness and depression. Hope I have enough soup to drown it out.
7/5 2023
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Think goat thoughts.

7/5 2023
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Need my happy place.

7/5 2023
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,
..
That’s all for now.

I got out and spent some good time with the littles today. It was good to be with them. But it was hard too. Impossible to escape the massive absence of Mia’s physical presence. The absence of her presence, and the presence of her absence. I miss her so damn much.
I wish i could go back to sitting in the sun with 6 goats in a big goat house and not worry about anything…
It just hurts.
Milo and Sky seemed to have calmed down a little, when I got there. Maybe it was because of the rains. They did bleat when they saw me, but they weren’t screaming. And when Jeanette came over and then left again to do chores, they weren’t bleating. So I thought maybe they were starting to adjust. But then a little later they started screaming. I am not sure if tehy were screaming after Jeanette, or had seen something else or if it was after Mia.
I took them down in the pen and we walked around for a bit. And they screamed and looked around like they wre hoping to find Mia there. Jeanette told me they’d been looking around like that when she opened and let them out too. I wish I could explain to them what has happened. They obviously know something is wrong, but you never know how much they understand. It’s heartbreaking to see them sad and confused. And it was really hard when I had to leave and they were screaming in distress. Man, goats can lay on a guilt trip SO hard. I wish I couldj ust be with them all the time. I just don’t have the mental and physical strength to go every day. Even before Mia’s passing I didn’t. And now I just feel completely broken. There’s a part of me that wants to quit goating and just stay home and eat myself to death. But i can’t abandon the littles. Even if it’s not enough I will do my best to help them. I know once the worst shock and pain has passed, they will be helping me a lot. RIght now it just all hurts.
Alright. I will write more later. Right now I need a power nap. And then a pot of soup. Last week it was gorgeously sunny. Now it is grey and rainy. Soup weather. And matching my mood.
Thank you all again for the ..all.
24/4 2023
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Here are the little rascals today. I love them a lot and I am happy to be there for them as they are there for me.
It is going to be tough to live without Mia’s affections though. You have all seen how she was. Practically devouring my face, kisses and hugs and her big physical presence, pawing and nudging and hugs and kisses. I am going to miss those kisses so much. Milo and Sky are lovely and affectionate, but not in quite the same way. They both love being cuddled. They will come to me and put their heads at my hands until I scratch them. Sky sweetly and gently. Milo is more pushing and if you don’t start scratching he will start butting at you with the horns or nibble on your clothes or just do anything until you give him the attention he wants. Such a bandit. But hugging him would not go well, he doesn’t like being restrained or subdued, or touched around the rear legs. If I put my face down to them and make kissy noises they will often get close and sniff or look at me. Sort of like oldtimey lady cheek kisses that don’t actually touch, you know? Very different from Mia’s kisses that left no part of my face dry.
We will all have to get adjusted to the new life without her. I miss her so. I wonder if the littles would let me have some lapgoat time now… they are kind of too big for it, even Sky. But I sure would like to get to sit with her in my lap and give her some sweet lovings. Maybe on a lazy sunny day I’ll try and see if she’ll let me.
They are a couple of wonderful, funny, sweet, loving goats. We’ve been through a lot together. But I would give anything to have my Mia back.
24/4 2023
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Well, in other news.
The feathers are back. I am not sure how much I have mentioned it, but the hens have been in quarantine for I think 3 weeks or more. But now they have escaped. Or rather, Jeanette let them out. They were quarantined because of a bird flu outbreak in Denmark. But I guess that’s passed now, and the feathers are loose. I know there are mixed opinions on whether they should be allowed to have free rein of the goat territory, but at the end of the day it is not up to me anyway. Part of me kind of wants soem quiet time alone with Milo and Sky for a bit. And part of me is happy to have all the life and commotion and company of Henrietta Solo and the redshirts. It didn’t take many minutes from their release till they came running up that goat hill and joined us in the goat house.
Meanwhile I am horribly sad and depressed, but one day a day.

25/4 2023
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Damn, I know losing our animal friends is part of life, but just today I have had two facebook friends post about losing their decade long best animal friends. And all their words mimicking my own about Mia. It is so damn tough. I feel for everyone. And for myself I feel lost and hopeless.
Thank you everyone again for the supportive comments, I really appreciate the little reminders that I am not alone, even when it feels like it.
25/4 2023
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It has been a week since Mia’s passing. I can’t hardly believe it. Still feels completely unreal and … unfair and ..so much more. Honestly there’s a part of me that feels like I can’t go on.
And then there’s a part that’s just going on, because it has to.
I distracted myself with some youtube uploading. I was always slacking with uploading them, so I had a handful sitting on my hard drive from before Mia’s passing. I couldn’t bear watching them, but I got them uploaded to the channel. So if you’re subscribed to my youtube channel and wondered why the sudden acitvity, that’s why. The video attached to this post is just a short one from the day after Mia’s passing. Milo and Sky. I love them, but it is so strange to not have my Mia there.
There was a part of me previously that was feeling like I was spending way too much time on working on videos and photos for the page and the channel. But the prospect of not doing it is.. just feels wrong. It is a part of me and I still want to do it. I still want to post happy things and hopefully give people a reason to smile. I just have to take the time it takes until it becomes happy again. Keep going and you’ll get there, right?
Well., You’ll get somewhere I suppose.

26/4 2023
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If anyone else is wondering where the whole “One day a day” think comes from, well I got it from a podcast. I don’t listen to a lot of podcasts in general, but every weekday I listen to The Ralph Report with Ralph Garman. He’s a voice actor and good friend of Kevin Smith. He got fired from his radio job and started a podcast. I listen to it every day and there’s a great community around it. Right now I am listening to live bootlegs of Frank Turner, and I actually discovered Frank through the podcast, because someone requested the song Get Better for a happy hit. Anyway, Ralp has a cohost called Eddie Pence. He’s a standup comedian and he.. he’s a character. He says a lot of goofy stuff and he often messes stuff up. And as you might can have guessed by now, he was trying to say “one day at a time” and it came out “one day a day”. And when Eddie messes stuff up it often become a bit of a recurring gag and Ralph will rag on him and stuff. So that’s where I heard it, said by mistake as a funny goof and largely forgotten by everyone by now. But for some reason it stuck with me and now I just use it, seriously. I mean it works. One day a day. Tomorrow is tomorrow’s problem. Right now I can’t handle more than a day at a time, and barely that. I don’t know if there is a future, but I know there is a today.
Anyway, The Ralph Report is a patreon podcast, but if you want a daily break from the big bad world I do recommend it. I think the cheapest level is just a couple of bucks a month. Use promo code Lasse for 20 percent, no just kidding.
Anything to distract from reality.
26/4 2023
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Got out and spent some time with the littles today. It is good to be with them. But it is bad to be without Mia. It still really really hurtrs. But that’s okay, that’s how it’s suppose to be.
Milo and Sky seemed a little calmer today. But they still had a couple of screaming sessions. Jeanette said they’d seemed calmer to her too. She’s trying to spend some more time with them. Taking time out of the chores she has to do. So that’s good. I don’t know if their screaming is going to be the new normal. Previously they’d get that loud once in a while, shortly. But now they can go on and on. It is especially hard to leave them. They scream like they’re being murdered, and they don’t stop. I hear them until i’m out of range. I hope we don’t get complaints from the neighbours. I feel so bad leaving them, though. I wish i could sit with them all day every day. It is good to just sit with them. And nuzzle them and scratch them. But I so badly miss Mia’s physical affection.
I’m trying to regain some sense of normalcy, shooting some video, walking around with them, giving them fruits. There’s a bit of ‘fake it till you make it’ about it, but it is nice to do too. I am glad we have each other
27/4 2023
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The lil howlers.

27/4 2023
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I spent some time with the feathers yesterday too. It was funny, I almost thought they were going to lay eggs for me. Especially when the first redshirt sat down next to me, it almost looked like she was oddly squatting and I wondered if she was just going to poop out an egg right there. Hah. But all three, I think we have three now since we lost one, actually sat down next to me. I don’t think they’ve ever done that before. Maybe they felt I needed the company. Or maybe there was just never space before because there was a giant white goat sitting next to me… sigh.
Sky was butting them away a couple of times earlier in the day, but Milo was more chill with htem.
But yes, I had a little group of feathers sitting with me. And Henrietta Solo flapped her way up to the hay shelf above and made herself a nest in a box. Jeanette tells me she often finds eggs up there.

28/4 2023
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Here is a picture of Sky and the guy. I am not doing so well. Massively, massively depressed and sad. But what are you gonna do. Other than sit with your face in your hands and stare at the insides of your eyelids.

29/4 2023
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Here is a picture of Milo and that man. I’m doing the best I can.

30/4 2023
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That’s all for now.