Last week was something of a rollercoaster ride from absolute joy to traumatic sadness.

Mio had babies. On Wednesday I joked on Facebook that I was going to go ask her if she could wait until after the Easter holiday, because the playground would be closed. But it turned out I would not get the chance to ask her that because when I arrived at the playground she had already given birth to three lovely, little Easterbunny babies. I hadn’t been there Tuesday, but Sigrid said that she’d known on Tuesday that the babies would come. And when she checked on the goats Wednesday morning there they were.

When I got there they had closed off the goat house to give the new ones some peace. But I was let in so I could be with them. Two boys and a little girl. They were different sizes, so I nicknamed them Large, Medium and Tiny. And Tiny really was tiny. Small and weak compared to her two brothers. Sigrid asked me to keep an eye on her, to see if she was drinking from Mio. They were worried she wasn’t getting any milk. I did see her a drink a little, though. So she was getting some. It was a lovely day. Just sitting with Mio and the babies. Mia was howling outside either because she didn’t like being seperated from her mama, or because she thought maybe they were being fed inside and she wasn’t getting anything. But it was a great day with people coming to see the new babies and everything seemed good apart from the concern about Tiny’s size and strength. Well, you can probably guess where this is going.

The real problems started Thursday. The playground was closed for the holidays but Sigrid had swapped shifts with the guy who was supposed to come feed the animals and we had agreed on what time she would come so I could show up too. Get a couple of hours with the babies while Sigrid did the feeding and chores. While I was sitting with them I noticed that Mio wasn’t letting Tiny drink anymore. The day before it had been a question of whether Tiny was managing to get anything, but now Mio was actively preventing it. She was pushing her away, even butting her and sending her half flying at one point. She was rejecting the little girl. I told Sigrid about it and she could tell there was something wrong too. We tried forcing Mio to let Tiny drink from her. Basically I had Mio in a headlock to stop her from moving away and Sigrid coaxed Tiny to drink. We did that three times and did manage to get a lot of milk in her. It wasn’t easy, though. Mio is strong as heck.

So at that point we weren’t sure what was going to happen. Sigrid was going off to Copenhagen I think, for the holiday I guess. There was some talk of one of Sigrid’s friends taking Tiny home with her to bottlefeed her. To begin with Alice came in during the evening and fed her with a bottle and they were all left together. I came back in Friday morning and Tiny seemed to be doing a little better, although Mio was still rejecting her. But then things went really bad and I don’t feel like writing about that again, so I’m just going to copy my Facebook post about it:

So. I really thought I’d be coming home with good news today. Because Tiny seemed to be doing a little better. Mio was still rejecting her, but she seemed to be coping. We were going to leave her there and just come in with extra milk in bottles for her. Alice gave me my key to the playground and I stayed behind when everyone left after an hour’s time. There were a couple of girls who stayed too to cuddle the babies. When they left I staid for another couple of hours on my own. I was holding Tiny and when I sat her down she couldn’t stand on her legs. I picked her up again and she was struggling to breathe. Her little tongue started poking out and it was all wrong. I didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t breathing. I started like massaging her body and giving her mouth-to-mouth. But I don’t even know how to give mouth-to-mouth to a human, much less a little goat. I have no idea if I e ven did it close to right. She would draw a tiny, struggling breath every now and then but she was almost completely unresponsive. I didn’t have the phone number of any of the playground staff. But I did have Bodil’s number on my phone. I had to get a magnifier out of my wallet and I misdialled my brother I think before I managed to choose her in the menu. Inside in the dark, almost blind. I can’t read my phone menu and I didn’t want to put Tiny. And I was probably still panicking. Bodil said she’d call Sigrid and then she’d put her clothes on and come down immediately. She was there probably 5-10 minutes later. When she stepped inside I was still trying to give mouth-to-mouth. She took one look at Tiny and told me that it was over. No use. I’m not sure if she was dead but she was too far gone for sure. I just couldn’t give up until someone told me to, you know? We sat down on a bale of hay. I held Tiny. Stroked her back. Bodil stroked her face and was saying comforting things. And we just sat like that for a while. Trying to comfort her if there was still anything left of her senses. Bodil held my hand too. Gave me a tissue to wipe away the tears and snot. I held her little lifeless body in my hands. I don’t know if I have ever felt as bad before.
Bodil asked me if I needed some time alone with her. And I said yes. So she went outside. There were some kids outside, the two girls who had been inside with me earlier were there too. I heard Bodil tell them what had happened and tell them not to go in. And I sat with Tiny for a little. Told her I was sorry. Mio was making snorting sounds, like they do when there’s danger. She clearly sensed that something was wrong. She had licked Tiny clean earlier, but I don’t know if that was just because I spilled milk from the bottle over her… I don’t know.
Bodil came back in and hugged me. Sigrid hadn’t responded to the messages yet. She might be in Copenhagen already. So we couldn’t get in touch with anyone. We had to wrap her body up in the towel I had used to dry her earlier. And put her in the back of the room, where no one can get to her. I assume by now Bodil will have managed to get a hold of Sigrid and she will have contacted Alice and the others. So they’ll now. And take care of things. I was supposed to go in tomorrow again. But I don’t think I can now. It’s too much. Maybe I will stay home for Easter and go back when the playground opens again on Tuesday. Or maybe I’ll try to to go in on Sunday. I don’t know.
Bodil and i walked out together. Talked a little. She told me that she had known that Tiny couldn’t make it. That she was just too small and weak. Like she had been prematurely born. And she told me that she was glad that I had been there with Tiny when she passed so she wasn’t alone.

—

Yeah. So now it’s a couple of days later. I am starting to feel better. At least the worst shock is out of my system. I bought icecream and chocolate. I exercised and read. I installed retrogamebases. I am still sad, but just trying to forget the worst moments. Bodil has called to check up on me once. She is a wonderful woman, I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t been able to call her when it happened.

I’m going to go back tomorrow. The holiday will be over. I know seeing the goats will help me feel better. And there are still two little baby boys to help take care of. Hopefully they are doing okay. I just had to stay home for a couple of days to get over the worst.

Now I’m going to post a bunch of pictures. They were supposed to be super happy of course, now they are more bittersweet. But still lovely, I hope.

Mio with her babies. You can sort of tell the different sizes. On the left is Large. He is big and brave and outgoing already. White with just some brown on his ears and the sides of his face. On the right it’s Tiny and Medium. They look very much alike, apart from their sizes. They are both sort of dirty-white. The only other difference is that Tiny had a little brown tail. Looked adorable when it was wagging back and forth.

The little family again, this time with Large sitting on the right.

Mio looking at her babies.

Tiny’s brown tail turned to the camera. While Medium’s tail is the same colour as his body.

Little Large.

Shaping up to be the alpha male.

Me holding Large.

Little Medium.

Holding Medium.

Large sitting down. You can see the difference between Medium and Tiny there.

Large at the forefront again.

Medium and Tiny.

Tiny. Slightly weirdly positioned. She wasn’t very coordinated…

Tiny all scrunched up.

Tiny quiet time.

Holding Tiny.

Sigrid holding Large.

Mio and the kids.

me sitting with the kids.

Little Tiny.

Mia looking in on the new siblings.

And just finishing off with a couple of pictures of Mia from before the kids were born.

Hanging on the bench.

Looks like she’s trying to teach me how to yodel.

And a couple of videos. The first one is from Wednesday, the first day of the little babies. It’s almost 25 minutes, so quite long. Just a bunch of sweetness and cuteness.

And then a video from day two. Shorter but still cute.

And that is all. Back to reality tomorrow.

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