Today I almost saved a boy from drowning. And by that I don’t mean that he eventually did drown, no. I mean that the situation wasn’t quite so dramatic after all. But I’ll get back to that. Let’s take the day in chronological order.

It started with an early Monday morning, which is always the worst kind. I was tired and depressed. I had been depressed all Sunday. Feeling really miserable and hopeless. And it wasn’t nice to get up and face the Monday. But then I got out of the shower and went into my room and there was Moomincat waiting for me. That obviously helped.

I got dressed quickly and played with him for a while. I had to go to work though. So I had to let him out. But the rain had started. Heavy rain. And Moomin didn’t want to go out. I couldn’t get him to go out the window. And I didn’t want to throw him, y’know. So I brought him into the living room and let him out the door to the back yard. Then I went to my room to lock up. And I heard a noise in my mother’s bedroom, next to mine. And sure enough, she had left her window open and Moomin had gone straight to it and jumped inside. Clever cat! So I picked him up and took him to the living room and let him out again. Immediately he darted towards my mother’s window, but I had her close it so he couldn’t get in. Then he ran into our shed. It’s old, the door can’t close and there’s a hole in the roof. But there’s still cover for the rain. I felt sort of bad for making him go out. All I really wanted was to stay in bed and play with him all day. But it was the right thing to do, right? I couldn’t lock him in my room for 7 hours while I’d be gone. That wouldn’t be right.

So I went out into the heavy rain. Feeling better because of the cute kitty. And enjoying the rain, it was a beautiful rainfall. And work went okay, apart from a couple of minor mishaps. After work I had the date with my therapist. As you will no doubt remember I had missed the group followup meeting. So today I got an individual session. I wasn’t looking forward to it really. I have been so depressed and lethargic, I haven’t really done any of the things I was supposed to do. The plan we made. And I didn’t really feel like being confronted with all that. But it turned out to be a good session. I got the little push I needed and some constructive input. One of the things that she stressed was that I really had to talk to my doctor about my medication. Yes, I still haven’t done that. But tomorrow I’ll make an appointment. So I can see if I can get some other type of medication or change my dosage. So I can get some help to get out of the depression again.

We also did some roleplay. I was a chaotic/neutral half-gnome and… no no, not that kind of roleplay. We were talking about how I had to go to some Youth Loneliness place. And then she took on the role of a girl there and we had a conversation. And it was scary. I don’t know how to have conversations. But it went sort of okay. I’m just worried that when the real thing happens then I’ll shut up and say nothing very quickly. In a roleplay you have to keep going because your therapist is there and it’s an exercise. In real life it’s easier to… shut up.

But all in all it was a good session and hopefully it’ll help me get back on track. I even admitted to having suicidal thoughts. That was new. I have never told any therapists or doctors about the time I tried to kill myself. It felt good to sort of open up about it, even just a little. I did make sure to stress that I didn’t have serious plans or anything. Only casual thoughts. I didn’t really admit to how serious my thoughts have been, but it’s still good to lift the curtain a little. Finally, we made an appointment for next Tuesday. To put a little pressure on me to do the things we talked about. Which is contact my doctor and contact that social place.

Then on my way home the heroic superhero act happened. I was walking from the bus stop to the playground. In between there’s a little green meadow with a little pond. I saw kids playing on the ice. And I thought it was weird, because it had been raining heavily all day and it didn’t seem to me to be very safe to be playing on the ice. But I didn’t pay much attention to it. Since they were playing on the ice, it must have been strong enough. Logic, right? They were yelling and screaming but it sounded like normal kid’s playing sounds. I just lost myself in my MP3 player music and walked by. When I had almost passed the pond I saw a boy come running towards me. So I took the earphones out and heard him yell that someone had fallen in the water. This is where I remembered the big news story a couple of weeks ago about two kids dying of hypothermia after falling through the ice. So I started envisioning myself having to jump in the water and fish out dead bodies or something. But it turned out to not be quite so bad. Three boys had indeed fallen through the ice. But they had gotten themselves out and were pretty okay. Only one boy was still sort of trapped on the ice. There was a piece of open water between the ice and ground. The other boys had put out a branch for him to walk over to get back on safe ground. But he was too scared. He was standing on the ice, all scared and crying. And the branch was pretty small. I think he was panicking a bit. So I ended up stepping into the icy water and lifting him back on the ground. It wasn’t really very deep at all there, it wasn’t dangerous or anything. But I did get a damn wet and cold foot out of it. And the boys all thanked me. All’s well that ends well. I’m glad the boys were okay. And I’m glad I didn’t have to dive in the pond to get them, because I would have probably drowned myself. I haven’t been swimming since I was a little, shy schoolboy.

So I went on my merry way, leaving wet footprints and freezing my bum off. Hearing the boys shout thank yous. When I got to the playground the animals had all been locked inside. Luckily Per saw me coming and asked me if I wanted to say hello to the goats. I told him that I would very much like that and he went and unlocked their stable. It’s nice to have that bit of status, of being recognised and welcomed like that. I don’t think they would just unlock it for everyone, it’s a big sliding door with a big, heavy chain. But I didn’t even have to ask.

And saying hello to the goats is always good for the mood. Tomorrow I’ll be there earlier so I can spend more time with them.

It’s been a long day. I hope I won’t get sick because of the wet, freezing feet. Incidentally my mother knitted thermo socks for me. I’m wearing them now. Good timing.

That’s it. Does anyone have a snow paintbrush they want to get rid of on Neopets? I want to give it to Senorita Spielbergo, aka Clare, who is a good friend with a beautiful mind.

And now she owes me.

Off to bed.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 27th, 2006 at 21:06 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.