I dreamt about goats last night. My goats. Even Mads was there. Eating snow. In the summer. It was beautiful. And I was not blind.

Yes, I am still here. I hope I made it clear in the last entry that it wasn’t necessarily goodbye. I just wanted to make sure I had said some things, in case I wake up one of the coming days and can no longer use the computer. I do plan to still update for as long as I can. I don’t know how long that will be though. It is getting close to impossible. My central vision is very bad now. It’s like staring through a dense, dark fog. Reading text is time consuming and tiring. I’m sure I’m making more and more typos as well, but I hope you’ll forgive that. I have had to give up on 99% of my computer use.I check my email and my blog and that’s it. Well, plus a little youtue. I can’t watch the videos anymore but I can listen to them. There is this thing called “let’s plays” where people play computer games and do commentary. I like listening to that. I don’t knoq, maybe it’s comforting to hear people talking. And since I can’t play computer games myself anymore, at least I can listen. there is especially one guy, Kikoskia, who does very entertaining commentary. And he happens to be playing Ultima 7 right now, which is my favourite game of all time. So it is quite soothing to listen to him and to the sounds and music of the game. I have a big craving to play the Ultima eries again. 6-9. I grew up loving that series, there is great escapism in it. But I am cut off from that world now I’m afraid. But I digress.

Today I managed to go shopping on my own. With a great degree of difficlty. But I found that I can see more when I’m outside. It was overcast, but the natural light helps me. So I found my way to the shopping center around the corner ok. But once I got inside it was back to being almost blind. It’s not fun to walk around like that in acrowds of people. And I can’t pick out the stuff I want to buy anymore either. So my solo shopping days are pretty much over I think. But it’s nice that I can see a little better outside. That means I should still get a lot out of visiting the goats.

I can still see a fair bit around the edges of my left eye. Especially the left side, I can see a lot of light and colour there. I can see some on the right side as well, but that is more dark and gray. And then the center is all dark of course. But it’s frustrating. Having good eyesight just out of my reach. I can see it out of the corner of my eyes. A beautiful world teasing me. But when I try to look at it, the darkness covers it. Like a fountain of diamonds sparkling in the sun but when you try to catch them they just trickle out theough your fingeres. I can see it’s there but I can’t look at it. Still, it’s a lot better than being completely blind, I know. It’s jus frustrating. I look at the computer screen now and it’s almost completely dark. Then I turn my head and I can see the text light up and become clear. But when I try to look directly at it, it goes dark again.

I have started using my magnifying glass at the computer. You can only zoom the text so much before it become impractical. But using the magnifying glass helps some times. It must be a strange sight, me with head right up to the screen, staring through the glass. Like some sort of demnted Sherlock Holmes looking for fingerprints on the monitor.

But whatever helps. It might very well not be long before that won’t even work.

I have been on my exervise bike 2 times today. And 2 times yeterday. It is my new plan to do it twice a day. We’ll see how long that lasts. But it’s good to stay active, instead of lying in bed and listening to the radio all day.

Tomorrow I have another meeting with the sight central folks. I’m going to get my cane and we’re going to do some training. So that should be interesting. I’m not looking forward to it, to be honest. But I need the cane, no doubt. It will be good to have. I am just tired. All the new things happening, while the world fades. I havae almost daily headaches, probably from my eyes having to strain so much.

But I am still alive and ready to fight another day. I mørket før en morgenstund.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 7th, 2009 at 19:21 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.