Apocalypse Now
So. That happened. I hope the entries below will not offend anyone. If they do, I am sorry. But I have to be true to my thoughts. Here we go.
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Today will be a good day. May the week bring you good things
7/11 2016
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Good goat times today. Rough start, though. Very cold morning. There are snow in parts Denmark now. Not here. Yet. But the cold is there. Walking to the goats, my face was freezing off. Shirt, blouse, sweater and coat helped keep my body warm. But even when I’m warmly dressed enough, I still feel the cold. It’s still there. I’m miserable in this cold, even when I’m not freezing. Grargh. I figured I’d probably have to make it a quick stop. Just give them their veggies and treas and head home immediately. But luckily it got a little better once I was there. Being with goats always makes things better. And getting my gloves out and putting hand warmers in them helped too. And we even got a little bit of sunshine. Just a little. When I arrived the goats were out in their own pen, the one the horses can’t get into. I remember when we first moved there I figured the goats would want to spend most of the time in there. To avoid the horses. But it’s turrned out that they’ve spent most of their time in the big pasture, whether the horses are there or not. Even now when the grass in the big pen is mostly eaten or downtrodden and it’s a mudhole in places, the goats are still usually in there or in the dark forest. There’s still a good amount of grass in the goat section, but I rarely see them graze on it. But today they did. Maybe they hadn’t had breakfast. I warmed up a little too by moving the branches around. The willow branches that Anne put in the pen when we first got there. Every now and then I like to move them around and turn them, exposing parts that the goats haven’t picked clean yet. And dragging the big ones around gets the blood pumping.
And so it turned out to be quite nice. The walk home was considerably nicer too. Maybe because the wind was more in my back instead of my face. Or maybe because the day had just warmed up a little. Or maybe because my heart was warmed by spending time with the goat pals. Sha la la laa.
And now, blisfully, it’s time for hot soup. Oh yeah. Give it to me, me.
7/11 2016
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A little bit of blue breaking through, a little bit of sun shining on
7/11 2016
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#Soup
7/11 2016
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I ate too much soup and now I want to nap. This thug life is wearing me out.
7/11 2016
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I’m tempted to turn off the TV and internet for the next couple of days. I am also tempted to eat another pot of soup. We all have to die some day, exploding from eating soup twice in a day wouldn’t be the worst way to go.
Ah, maybe I’ll just have a wafer thin mint instead.
7/11 2016
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Off to sleep. Hope to dream of Hawaiian holidays and that episode of Futurama where Fry is on a planet with three suns.
Here’s hoping tomorrow will go well.
7/11 2016
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didn’t make it out today. Couldn’t face the cold. Or the world. Or both. And I’m worried the US election is going to give me a depression, which I know is stupid. But you know that stupid empath brain. Can’t turn it off. Emotion sponges shouldn’t look at twitter. And why do pets have to die? It doesn’t seem fair. Sometimes it’s hard to see the forest for trees, and sometimes it’s hard to see the good for all the bad.
Okay, breathe. It’s fine. Turn up the heat, put on some soup and Moby and the rest of today will be a good day.
8/11 2016
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Hold on
8/11 2016
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I was undecided for a long time, but in the end I had to go with my conscience. Soup today, pizza will have to wait for tomorrow.
History will judge me.
8/11 2016
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Open to everything happy and sad, seeing the good when it’s all going bad. Seeing the sun when I can’t really see, hoping the sun will at least look at me
8/11 2016
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I thought about staying up all night to follow the election. But I’m just going to aggravate mysefl further. Instead I’m going to follow my dreams, to bed. And sleep through it all. Whatever happens happens. Goodnight, and good luck.
8/11 2016
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I want to write something hopeful and optimistic. I want to post happy photos. I want to write intelligently about what it all means, or doesn’t mean. I want to help unite and move forward. I want to be graceful and dignified.
But I just feel broken right now. I feel like voters have just said that kindness doesn’t matter, that there’s no need for even the lowest kind of basic human decency. I feel like there’s no place in the world for someone like me. And I’m not even American, I’m not even really part of some of the minorities and social groups that will get hit worst by this. I’m just someone who always tries to see the best in people, and I’m finding that so hard right now. I feel so bad for my American friends who are hit directly by this. Who are now literally expressing fear for their lives and future. I feel so sad that this is what the world is. I feel like I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. I feel defeated, utterly. My Facebook feed makes me cry.
It kinda makes me want to kill myself (don’t worry, I won’t).
And if you think I’m being stupid and overly dramatic, please don’t tell me. I don’t need to hear that right now. I’d rather not have to unfriend anyone on the ‘winning side’, because if we’re friends then we must have something in common and that’s worth hanging on to. But this is a sensitive time, and I’m not really sure when it will start to feel okay. I have the luxury of being okay with it in time and not having to really live with it in my every day life. A lot of my friends don’t have that luxury.
Life will go on, and there will be plenty of good. It’s not the end of the world. It just feels like it. It feels like a baseball bat to the head.
Bla bla. I’ll try to post goat stuff later. Right now I need to eat my feelings, and I’m having a lot of feelings.
Love.
9/11 2016
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.Love
9/11 2016
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.love
Not in a very communicative state right now. Socializing, even on the facebox, is difficult for me and sometimes when the world gets ugly I just need to draw my head into my turtle shell and hide a little. I’m just a fragile little boy at heart. I don’t shake much before I break. But luckily all the kings’ horses and all the king’s men are always on the job to put me back together again. Thank you everyone for keeping my faith in humanity alive. I wish I could give out the same level of support that you all show me. Maybe a cute goat photo here and there will make up for it a little. And hopefully all the people that really, actually, need the support also get it.
Ice cream and chocolate on the shopping list for tomorrow.
9/11 2016
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.Love
10/11 2016
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Good goat times today.
Boy, I needed that. When the world goes nuts, it’s good to know I have my own little bubble of sanity to retreat to. Right now I really do feel seperated from the real world. Like I’m on the outside looking in.
Thankfully it was a nice and light day. Good deal of sunshine and not too much wind. That makes it easier. Little patches of snow here and there. I guess it snowed while I was locked away in my coffin of fear and anxiety. Not a lot left, but slippery here and there. Gotta be more careful when I walk now.
A very welcome bleated greeting from Mia. Back where I belong. Goat smooches and cuddles. Maters for the big gals, naner for A38. It was a big banana so it took a while for her to finish it. She had to ‘eat it and bleat it’ a couple of times and come back to keep going before she got it all done.
Poor Mia doesn’t like the mud, though. It’s worst right outside the front door into the pen, and also covers the part the goats have to go through to get from the goat section to the horse section. Leading to some amusing scenes as they try to run and jump past the mud. Normally Mio is the one who hates mud, but she got past it pretty well today. But Mia wasn’t having any of it. When it was time for me to go she plain refused to come and say bye. I was whistling for her and waving treats and bringing my hands to my treat pocket, which normally always makes them come running. But she just looked at me. And looked at the mud. And looked at me. And then stood up on two legs against the fence, looking at me. I had to walk around the barn so I could get to the goat section fence and say goodbye there. Then I went back the other way and as I was getting to leave she did cross the mud in a fabulous tiger jump. And I looked down at my camera to see if I’d gotten it all in frame and.. the camera was off. Darn. It was a wonderful jump and sprint around the mud and I missed it. Oh well. At least I got to say goodbye once more, and Mia got more goodbye treats.
I also got to say hi to Ophelia. Hadn’t seen her in a while. Which was also what she said to me. “Hi Lasse, haven’t seen you in ages”. First there was the holiday and the weather kept getting colder and I had to keep experimenting with clothes to stay warm and I couldn’t stay as long. So I’d either been leaving before she started work or just missed her. Nice to see her again.
Shut up.
And now, well now I’m all out of soup. But it was good. Looking forward to bedtime and long dreams, far.
10/11 2016
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Not moving till you get my wellies
(btw, I calculate about 2½ weeks window still open for possible pregnancy. I’m still kinda torn on the whole thing, but let the graces decide. I guess I could suffer through playing with goat kids for a while).
10/11 2016
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In literary news, just finished the Mr Robot tie in book. Interesting. I only wish they could have gotten Malek and Slater to do their parts for the audiobook, but luckily the narrator did a good job.
Now I just started “The Secret History of Twin Peaks” by Mark Frost. Funnily enough I picked this up without knowing what it was, and I figured it would be a sort of “making of the TV show” book by Frost. Turns out it’s fiction about the origins of Twin Peaks, the place. Starting with Lewis & Clark and native americans. And I guess it will tie in to the new series. Fascinating so far.
Ah escapism. Never have you been more welcome. Bless me with your sweet kiss of relief.
Also, I have emergency ice cream in the freezer now. Things are gonna get worse before they get better, and I’m gonna get fatter before I get back on track.
10/11 2016
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There may be dark clouds on the horizon, but there’s still a blue sky above. And the sun will break through. And also metaphors.
10/11 2016
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Bedtime for me. Starting to regain some sense of normalcy. I mean, not normal. But. I think i’ve pressed the unfollow button more today than in the rest of my Facebook history combined. I also feel like writing a piece about how I feel there are two different levels of “accepting it”, but I probably shouldn’t. I should probably stick to..
10/11 2016
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Today will be a good day.
11/11 2016
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Man, I wish I had more soup.
11/11 2016
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To further distract the psyche, maybe you could look at these two things and tell me which you prefer? The page tag in a white section below the image, or the page tag inside the image?
Do you think one is better than the other?
Also, I wish I had more soup.
11/11 2016
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There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.
Rest in peace, Leonard Cohen.
I feel about Cohen somewhat like I did about Bowie and Prince. I can’t exactly say I’m a fan, because I don’t own any of their records, never been to their shows. I only really know their big hits, and the songs that my friends post to me. Like this one. But I recognise their amazing talent. And, especially for Bowie and Cohen, I feel like if a butterfly had flapped its wings slightly differently then I could have been a big fan. If I had taken the time then I may have well fallen in love. Like with The Smiths who for so long was a band I knew a little of and liked a couple of songs from. But then I took the time, and now I deeply love them and I listen to Morrissey all the time.
It’s been a rough year, on many levels. I am still struggling with the feeling that this world is slipping away, into something I don’t want to be a part of. Recent events really makes me feel like the momentum has gotten so strong that there’s no longer any coming back from that path, no stopping it. I guess I’ll just have to get my surf board and ride the avalanche.
11/11 2016
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Hey, remember when I had all that soup?
11/11 2016
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More from the fall
11/11 2016
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Today will be a good day.
12/11 2016
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I pure freaked myself out during my exercise today. I was listening to the Twin Peaks book. On the bike. Was looking down and moved my head up fast. And I thought I saw a man standing across the room. Dressed in black. Just for a split second, then he was gone. It was like one of those oldtimey special effects. When they have a person in the frame. Then stop the camera and the person leaves and they start recording again. Like something from Star Trek or Monty Python.
Of course, there was nothing there. I have some black plastic bags hanging from some equipment. The fast head movement, the bad lighting, the bad eyesight, the pumping heart. Just my imagination that made the shape of the bags into a man. But I was in a Twin Peaks mindset. As some of you know, Twin Peaks is one of the few TV/Movie things that really scared me, and still does. If I ever want to creep myself out I just have to think about BoB. That does it. Even a picture of him (as some of you know, and exploit *shakes fist*) give me the willies to this day. I still feel ill half the time I go to look in the mirror, and not just for the obvious reason (cf Smashing Pumpkins – Ugly). So for the rest of the exercise I was nerviously glancing over to that corner every few seconds. Haha, I’m not going crazy.
By the way, I am loving the book. I’d heartily recommend it to anyone who loves Twin Peaks and is looking forward to the new series. I’m hoping a lot of this stuff will tie into it. We’re up to Roswell.
In better news, I was a little shocked when I got on the scales after the exercise. I lost a pound since last week. How did that happen? I have eaten gallons of soup. Also, after the election I had a meltdown and not only did I skip my designated exercise day on Wednesday I also bought the emergency ice cream, chocolate. And four bags of candy that I proceeded to pretty much eat up in one day. Because I’m an adult and I deal with things in a responsible way.
So I was expecting to see a considerable weight gain. Go figure. skipping the exercise last time did make my legs fresher today so I could go longer on the bike. And I guess eating soup is better than eating junk food. Even if the soup is a little fatty. It’s still real food with lots of vegetables. Stuffing my face with that is healthier than stuffing my face with pizza. There’s a lesson to be learned there. And a casual message to my parents that if you want to help me lose weight, you need to make me more soup. Stat.
Now I’m going to look on the internet to see if anyone else has a theory about Twin Peaks + Lord of the Rings. That ring that makes you vanish. Those nine flying saucers = nine rings to bind them. Etc. Brb.
12/11 2016
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The rare polar yogi bear
12/11 2016
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goatlog
12/11 2016
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Ok Bed. Need some long sleep and far dreams. If you all could preparer a surprise Shakespeare play for me to wake up to that’d be swell.
12/12 2016
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, guys.
13/11 2016
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Ice, ice baby.
13/11 2016
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Hoping for a kind world instead of a mad world.
13/11 2016
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Okay. No. Tried writing a status like five times. Delete, delete, delete. My Facebook is a happy zone. No politics. I came to chew bubble gum and unfollow people, and I’m all out of bubble gum.
Here’s Palle eating a pear instead.
https://www.facebook.com/CutestGoatEver/videos/993129517409153
13/11 2016
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Just got added to a twitter list called “analytics-evangelists”. I’m not sure they completely understand me.
13/11 2016
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Just called up my dad to talk and his voice wasn’t coming through very clear and apparently he had trouble hearing me too. We hung up and he called me back and told me what the problem had been. He’d been holding his phone upside down. Cheers, dad.
13/11 2016
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fear is not the end of this
13/11 2016
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That’s the end of the Facebook posts. Now photos.
And that’s all for this week, see you in the next one I hope.