A Wider Shade Of Plume
Today will be a good day. Bob from 2013.
22/1 2018
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Good goat times today. Cold day. A little bit of snow coming down as I walked in the dark along the highway. It kept snowing most of the day, although not in huge amounts. Still, not the greatest weather to be outside for long periods. But at least I got to sit in the shelter and in the goat house with goats. Of course split up in two subgroups. It’s cute when the little ones are in one place and then the big ones want to go there. And the the little ones have to shuffle their little fuzzybutts outta there. “Let’s skedaddle!”. And so they go, back and forth. At one point I gave some raisins to Milo and Sky and then I went back to the shelter to sit with Mia and Mio. Milo was bleating after me. And the actually came running over to the shelter. Quite brave of him. But, alas. He couldn’t come in and get more raisins (as I am sure was on his mind). His bravery did not extend to a face-to-face confrontation with the big girls. How frustrating it must be. Seeing the giant treatbag sitting there so close, but with two giant guard-dragon-goats in the way. Don’t worry, of everyone got plenty of treats.
I took some wheel wagon roteller pastas with me in my peanut bag to use as general treats. I’m not sure I’ll do that again. Because they love those things so much that they get quite demanding. I mean, they’re always demanding treats. But the rotellers makes them even more eager. I can only imagine how the little ones will react when they’re big enough to try those. They’ll go nuts. Ugh, they’re so ¤&¤//&% sweet, I just want to scoop ’em up and put them in icecream cones. Whatever that means.
And then a happy encounter. I got to see Mousy! For the first time since… gosh, middle of December? She is still hanging out in the rider’s room. My key got stuck in the padlock for the goat pen, and I saw Anne go in there. So I followed her in and asked if she could help. And there was Mousy. So good to see her again. There was a woman with Anne, i think it was her mother, and she said “Well she’s looking a bit better”. And she ate some food, which was good. I didn’t get to really spend much time with her, but just good to see she’s still there.
Now can we have springtime soon?
22/1 2018
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It’s cold and it’s snowing and there are giant monstergoats out there.
22/1 2018
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Someone’s not amused
22/1 2018
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Mousy!
22/1 2018
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Guys, I don’t think my fleek has an on/off button. What do?
22/1 2018
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That’s it for today. I am off to micro-hibernate. If you would like to talk to an operator please press your nose against the screen and wait until you are contacted by one of our representatives. Meanwhile, be advised that we sell special snot screenwipes in our online store at www/colon.dot.net.com.//backslash:hashtagIsn’tItIronicDon’tYouThink? 2.0.
There will now be a brief intermission while the solar system attempts to correct the timeline and adjust for daylight savings big bang.
Do not be alarmed. Your settings have been saved in the nebular cloud and all the backups are on VHS tapes hidden away in abandoned Blockbusters. If you need to upgrade the bios in your brain be sure to only use authorized versions that are compatible with this strain of the human virus. You do know I could go on for hours, right? Thank you for listening. This has been a test of the emergency Lasse broadcast system. Press and hold Shift Enter Alt and F21 then double tap the screen and then start boiling like no one is watching.
22/1 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi day.
23/1 2018
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The future of Tell All books is looking pretty bright, though.
23/1 2018
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A Shadow in the snowfall
23/1 2018
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Here is more bonus premium content. A behind-the-scenes video. Behind-the-goat-butt scenes.
link: Mia video
23/1 2018
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Fuzzybutt
24/1 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys.
24/1 2018
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Fister Løgsovs.
24/1 2018
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You’re both looking straight at the camera like me, right goats?
24/1 2018
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I like the streetlight reflected in the water
24/1 2018
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I guess they weren’t so much commandments as suggested guidelines if it’s not too much trouble, or you can get away with it. It’s a good thing he’s not a vengeful god or everyone would be in some serious trouble. The NRA has more power and influence over America than god does right now. Maybe the angels should start carrying guns to stop the bad guys with guns. I am sure Jesus is busy building a wall around heaven to keep everyone out. He was a carpenter, but I’m sure they have adult education up there. By now he must have progressed to laying bricks. You’ll need to get past the TSA at the gates. Transport Security Angels. Get ready for a soul pat down. Modern life is rubbish.
24/1 2018
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Okay, here are goats to distract you. And me. Watching the snow.
24/1 2018
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We apologise for the inconvenience, but your local Lasse unit is currently offline undergoing emergency updates of the sleep subroutines. We are making all haste to finish this unscheduled upgrade and hope to resume normal service tomorrow morning or sometime within the next 3-4 months depending on the weather and availability of pizza. If you have a pressing need for access a Lasse we recommend you try outsourcing the request to one abroad or to reanimate one of the sleeping clones from the cryo chamber. Please be advised that opening your Lasse unit or performing unauthorized modifications to the unit will result in loss of warranty and sanity and will open a passage allowing the Old Ones access to our dimension which will almost certainly mean a lack of available pizzas in your local neighbourhood. Should you wish to object to these sanctions we recommend reading old back issues of MAD Magazine. Trivia: “Mad” means food in Danish. It is awkward for a fat kid to buy magazines called food. This trivia has been brought to you by a fat kid a lowpaying customer serviec job in the Lassecorps, a subsidiary of TheOldOnes dot archive net slash stabby stabby.
If you need to get in touch with an operator please leave a message after the beep.l
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ple [fatal error: Cannot divide by zero. Try turning it off and back on again] [fatal error intensifies]
24/1 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Peanut and Popcorn.
25/1 2018
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Good goat times today. Mostly grey, but at least it kept dry. And it was actually fairly warm for end of January. Got a nice surprise when I was giving breakfast to the goats. Mousy came meowing in. I didn’t know if I’d ever see her out of the rider’s room again. So it was good to get to meow back and forth with her and pet her a little. Sweet kitty.
Took the goaties out on the grass. Hopefully it will start growing soon. Got another show of the Mia mounts Mio circus. Tsk tsk. When I take them out together on a leash it’s as if their roles get reversed. Mio is like bleating worriedly when Mia comes near. Haha. When they’re in the pen there’s none of that.
For the first time the little ones got a treat other than raisins. Milo, specifically. I was going to give pears to the big girls and I thought I’d check with the little ones first. Didn’t think they’d go for it, but Milo did get a few mouthfuls. It was an old pear so it was nice and soft for him. The rest was happily devoured by Mia and Mio.
Back in the pen I wanted to give Mia and Mio some pumpkin seeds. I took a wooden board and placed it on the bench to have a flat surface to put the seeds on for maximum premium videotaping. That went fine. Then when I picked up the board to put it back where I got it, the goats got scared. They often do that if you start carrying big things around. But Mio managed to crawl under the new goat house! Oh my. I had to laugh. What a sight. She’s almost too big to fit under there. But she got out okay, once I’d put the terrifying piece of plywood away. You never know what dangers lurk in the goat pen.
I also discovered today that Milo loves belly rubs. I had him in my lap and he was sort positioned with his belly exposed and I gave him a good scratching and he was in total bliss with his head lolling back and forth. Too cute. They’re both so soft and fuzzy, I love stroking their fur. Little fluffy soccerballs.
25/1 2018
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Mousy! It was good to meowsy with her again.
25/1 2018
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It was when we found grandma under the house again that we knew we had to confront her about her drinking problem.
jk
25/1 2018
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Ten years on Facebook? That can’t be right. That means I signed up when I was… three?! Math is hard guys. Anyway, thank you the people for being part of my Facebook experience. There are so many things wrong with Facebook, but you the people make it worthwhile.
link: faceversary video
25/1 2018
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Alright. I’ll spare you the monologue. Going to bed. Back tomorrow for ten years + 1.
25/1 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s baby Magnethe from 2005.
26/1 2018
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More great dreams last night. I attained partial lucidity in one. I was in a room full of people and I was shouting “THIS IS ALL A DREAM” at them. And since I’m not currently locked up in a straitjacket it seems I was right.
26/1 2018
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We all have that one friend who tries to squeeze into every photo.
26/1 2018
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Hello?
26/1 2018
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I hope you guys aren’t bored with the clone joke, because I’m still pretty amused.
26/1 2018
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I have invested all my bitcoins in nutella. Who needs the lottery, this is going to pay off bigtime.
26/1 2018
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Me when I see myself on video: Guh, I need to get back to eating healthy and exercising.
Me when I don’t see myself on video: Guh, I need to eat everything and sleep.
Ah well. I’ll start next month.
26/1 2018
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To celebrate our latest milestone, here is another super special behind-the-scenes premium content bonus video. When uncle goes to the backpack to get something… that sweet anticipation. I love Mio’s little bleat. That’s her version of Mia’s loud, frantic hollering. Mio’s got that Clark voice. One short bleat.
link: Mia Mio video
26/1 2018
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Hulloh?
26/1 2018
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Where’s the Any key?
27/1 2018
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Today will be a good day. Find a meaning and hang on.
link: mia chicken bleat video
27/1 2018
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A 24 million dollar fridge? It better be one of those that makes icecubes too.
Also, Sean Hannity’s twitter account was disabled? Oh no, how’s he going to blow the lid of that secret memo then?! Other than that tv show he has on that channel that’s endorsed by the President of the greatest country in the world. Another hero silenced.
Also: “Trump administration cancels 100-year-old protections for migratory birds against killing by oil companies, enraging both Democrats and Republicans.”
Now I haven’t fact checked that, but it fits pretty well in with the shootign hibernating bears and importing ivory and drilling Alaska and all that. Also, Colonel Sanders is a woman and they’re rebooting Cagney & Lacey.
This has been your atrocities report, now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go murder a curry.
27/1 2018
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Goofball distraction squad reporting for duty.
27/1 2018
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Congratulations to our Caroline for winning the tennisball tournament down under. I’m not much of a tennis fan, but I’m glad she finally got a grand slam, whatever that is.
27/1 2018
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Mirror mirror on the wall, who are the fuzziest butts of all?
27/1 2018
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Heading to bed early because I’m tired and I want to dream. Put the pizza in the slowcooker and meet me at breakfast. Bring the cooler box filled witth ice cream. Don’t ask any questions, don’t look me in the eyes and don’t mention this to anyone. By reading this you have entered into a legal agreement punishable by licorice whipping. I’m a celebrity, I have demands. Signed photos are available for 5 dollars or 2 pizza slices. Please vote for me in the BigEgos Awards 2018 dot net slash http colon sanders beep.
27/1 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, guys.
28/1 2018
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Succesful dreaming. I got some lucidity again. I love it. It was funny, I was at work and about to get home but then I couldn’t find my car. Which is funny for a couple of reasons. Namely that I don’t work (apart from volunteer goat herding) and I don’t have a car or drive. Or can see. But you know, in dreams things that don’t make sense just.. make sense. So I was wandering around the parking lot looking at all the cars. And I started wondering if I had walked or driven to work. But I wasn’t sure if my car wasn’t there or if I’d just forgotten what it looks like. So I told myself in the future I’d have to put something I’d recognise in the windshield so I’d be sure to be able to find my car. Mhm. Well, that’s when I started wondering if maybe I was dreaming. And I forget what it was, but something happened that confirmed my suspicion. And I went “Oh, this is all a dream then” to my friend who there now and trying to help me find my car. And then I knew I was in a dream and it was all good. Until I woke up. I thought. Turns out I was still dreaming, but I didn’t figure it out in that part of the dream. Maybe it was a protetective measure by the dream to uphold drem integrity. “Oh you’ve realised you’re in a dream? Well I’ll just make you think you woke up”. You win this round. dreambrain.
Now I just wish I was there again. In the beautiful freedom of the dream. With no consequences or limits. Instead of here where I’m blind and phobic and it’s cold and there’s Trump and everything matters and nothing matters. Sigh. I know you shouldn’t joke about these things, but if you get to constantly dream then being in a coma doesn’t seem so bad to me…
anyway. In another dream last night I got to hug my late grandparents, so that was pretty sweet. And they actually turned up again in the dream-after-the-lucid-dream. Two dreams in one night. I wonder what summoned them?
Anyway, that was terribly interesting I know. I’m also glad I shared.
28/1 2018
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I dreamt myself a twin. Always good to have a scapegoat. And goats.
28/1 2018
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goatlog
28/1 2019
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It’s not easy to meditate with two demanding goats by your side.
28/1 2018
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Oh my! Thank you Pat Lehn for the peanuts, all the peanuts! The goats are going to be happy about this! So sweet of you!
28/1 2018
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Goofbals: The Next Generation
28/1 2018
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End of Facebook. Go go goat photos.
That’s all for this week.