Videotape
The worst pain had gone away. But then I sat down to process my videos from the last day with Mads. And it all came back to the surface. I miss him so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZONzzO7Ugtg. The last day. It hurts to watch, but it’s also beautiful. If I could I would always want to be there. Sitting in the grass with Mads. It’s a 10 minute video with nothing really happening. Just me and Mads.
I went to the playground today. The second time since Mads left, not counting the feeding on Saturday. It’s not the same. I feel bad saying that, because I do love the other goats. But I just miss him so much. It’s not the same without him. I don’t know if it ever will be.
videotape
When I’m at the pearly gates
This will be on my videotape, my videotape
Mephistopheles is just beneath
and he’s reaching up to grab me
This is one for the good days
and i have it all here
In red, blue, green
Red, blue, green
You are my center
When i spin away
Out of control on videotape
On videotape
On videotape
On videotape
This is my way of saying goodbye
Because I can’t do it face to face
I’m talking to you after it’s too late
From my videotape
No matter what happens now
I won’t be afraid
Because I know today has been the most perfect day I’ve ever seen.
June 3rd, 2008 at 23:36
I don’t think I could watch the video of you and Mads together one last time.
But I will when I’m not so sad.
I miss him, too… :(
‘
‘
‘
‘
June 5th, 2008 at 3:00
Well, I tried to be brave when I watched the video. It was alright till I started thinking too much about Mads.
So I did get a little teary-eyed towards the end. But he was so happy and the day was so sunny. It was a beautiful last day.
I did see how hard it was for him to stand up and he knelt down on his knees to eat. So I think it was time for him. I wouldn’t have wanted him to suffer at all.
June 5th, 2008 at 23:09
LuisLemmings – I know how you feel. Deeply.
Debster – It was very beautiful. I just wish I was able to think about it, without thinking about what happened after the camera was turned off.. maybe in time.
I think it was time yes. He’d only stand up when he got very excited, like when I gave him raisins in the video. Then he’d jump up, like he was forgetting about the pain. But as soon as the initial excitement at the prospect of treats was over then he’d fall down on his knees, and quickly sit down completely. It was hard to see him sit down all day while the other goats were running around.
Now of course Ijust miss sitting with him terribly. Terribly.